Some Updates

Very good morning!, today's a freaking rainy day that I was so caught up in bed that I missed school once again. Argh! Crap.

A few updates of what happened around me lately, since I've not been updating much.

-Was up last night as a translator..cey2 this sounds cool. Hahas, but wasn't of much help caused I dozed off at 2am.

-Finally I was hitting the books, literally submerging myself into the revision questions and it felt GREAT.

-Someone forwarding me weird msgs, that made me smile like a dumb fool.

-Lack of sleep

-Lack of movies to watch. Speaking of which I finally caught "P.s I love you" on movies.net last night, but I only stopped at part 3. Kinda disappointing.

Seriously Im kinda lazy to blog, that's why everythings ending up in point forms. =x

And Im seriously eating alot lately..argh. I had like...

- Botak Jones ( Fish n Chips ) which is not so nice..to me?..

- 85 market ( ah balling, sweet potato soup, and the stupid jelly ( cheat my feelings ), Ouh Lua, black carrot cake, and untouched indian rojak. HAhas..

-KTM mee soto!! yummylicious.

-Erm, not sure of that store name, but it freakin serves food only after 5pm! wth! eyh! u still owe me chicken chop! I don't care!

-Cartel and more cartel!! DAMNNNN!!!

I needa weigh my freakin weight man.. DANG!! I don't wish to invest in the tummy too. =p

Then I attended my Uncle's wedding at Intercontinental Hotel.

I watched my work mates playing soccer a few blocks away from KTM..it was hilarious.

And..

Clubbed with Aud like freaking last min ;)

hmmm, is that all about it I can remember?..hmmm, oh ya! slacked with Andrew, bloody hell he won our money from In-betweens!! UGH!!

And, I made my best pal fuming mad, that my msgs wasn't even entertained. Im dead.

Bored

Was trying to change my blog template a few days back, but DAMN there were several errors that I can't figure out. Cus I aint no IT student and I'm seriously noob towards such stuff.
So a few updates..

I had my hair extension!! lol, freaking costed me a fucking BOMB. $140. I got chided for that, like literally spend whatever I have left on it, and it doesnt look natural at all, cus it's only 70 strands. =( $2 per strand.
So that is one thing down. I've finally gone back to school, but sadly not today, as I'm having a horrible throat that even swallowing down the saliva would own my throat man. ARGH. Hate this crap.

Went to parkway ytd..it was FUN =) was stuck at Borders for almost an hr plus, we were stuck at the "Games" section, searching for " Where's Wally" it's damn addictive man! lol. I was the winner for the night. LOL. =x Before that, had Ajisen, hmm no doubt Im not a fan of RAMEN, still I gave it a shot. I tried the ermmmmm.. ton smth, I cant recall the name, it taste real nice as in the soup and the bacon I think. The ramen was "O-K".
So basically, I was literally laughing the whole day even though my throat was giving way. ;) Still, I enjoyed myself.

I love hardgay's swimming trunks. LOL!!!!!! ( if you know what I mean..) hahahah.

My throat hurts..
Anyone..BINTAN? in march?..

When you learn to cherish

Simply shuts me off. I wonder why.
Am I that irritaing?. I hate doubting myself.

Cramps

Post syndrome for exams, work and future. Is giving me extremely bad cramps. I don't like this feeling, yet I've still got to work 2pm today. ARGH =(

Too much of thinking in the day resulted in a bad nightmare. I can't remember what I dreamt but it was kinda bad, that I actually broke out in cold sweat. Hmmm, but some how or rather you were in the dream. Okay, thanks for waking me up this morning, hahas. I still insisted on having 20 more mins.. =p but I guess this woman fell back asleep alr..hahas! you and your MIDNIGHT shift!! GGRR!!! continue later when im back, gotta go to sch alr.. byee

Is it my fault things became this way?. Time is always a factor, I'm always in the wrong time frame, eventually I feel the intense hurt. Ha. So what if graduation is nearing, is it going to make any difference. Cynical.

I've just realised I've set my priorities wrongly. And definately planned it wrong. I see things in a new light now, but I guess everyone will be like going " yah right there she goes again.." Hahas, but this time round I've got to be determined. It's like finally my dream came true. There's bound to be sacifices to make. I'll lose some things that holds great significance to me. I'm known to people as a confused girl. I hope I'm confuse no more.
Time for me to really PLAN FOR THE FUTURE. within less than a month, I'm leaving ITE for good. So my first top priority is to clear my finals. It's not going to be easy, I need to be extremely disciplined. Force myself.

This roller coaster has to stop. It's time for me to get off the ride. I cant live my life this way anymore.
So I'll be

-Mugging real hard for this fucking finals.
-Stop being paranoid for small stuffs, which is getting on peoples' nerve.
-Stop taking things for granted.
-Cherish whatever I'm left with.
-Look Forward.

I dont wish to look back ten years from now regretting like fuck.


Good Nights.

New Loves

I've fallen for Marie Digby's vocals man..and Richie Kotzen's talent.........OH MANNNN!!! THEY ROCK MAN!!

Fucking PIST OFF

Headache man, woke up early like 6 in the MORNING OKAY..
Just to wake some people up, eventually I got screwed. Okay, if I make people wake me up in the morning, at least I'll try my very best to not SHOUT or make the person feel fucked up for waking me up.
If you get a remark like " YOU'RE VERY IRRITATING!! " zZZz wasnt I suppose to wake you up no matter what?..
When it's not appreciated, it just stings me. So yea, thanks for ruining my morning. Thankew so much. I just love having a fucked up morning to start off with.

I'm missing the fish head steamboat alr..

* I need you boo..gotta see you boo...* - Chris Brown : With You ROCKS!

Missing out

Although we're left with maybe less than a month till the final exams.. I've been skipping school as though exams were over. Loads to catch up on..any kind souls willing to burn their mid-nights with me?.. Apart of me wanna do well for this final shit..a part of me is left wandering. This is extremely bad, and I've got no one else to blame but myself for landing up in such a state, and I guess Ms Choo has already come to terms with it.

We're giving up on ourselves, before people gave up on us. I feel a lil wee bit stressful having to turn up for school like say tomorrow?.. I dont wish to see Ms Choo's face and people hounding us for our projects. I feel bad, but it just doesnt seem to have a big impact on me till the extend of making myself going the extra mile.
This sounds so loser man. Any kind souls willing to help this useless person here?.. =( Call me sadist, but I miss the days when my mum FORCE me to study, cus no matter how unwilling I was to study, the cane was always there for me, so yea. I never wanted to give in to the cane..
Like wad Ed said, I'm always giving in to the devil in my mind. It's too late for soul searching, just fucking pray that at least I clear my sem man. One last final stretch and that's it. GET THE HELL OUT OF ITE.
Speaking of which, Im gonna miss the class man, though I didnt made myself THAT sociable, only a handful were close to me..

Remembering the first day of school, when I cursed and sweared bout how fucked up this class was, which still does in a way..LOL!! I'm kidding!! okok.. the first time Van spoke to me in the auditorium..the first time I made friends with Shu Zhen and Co, the first time I thought Syahid was damn cool but turns out to be otherwise..the first time when I thought Zhe Wei was some fucked up ah beng..lol! joking larr! as in like those typical AH BENG..hmmm, the first time when Audrey and Van walked up to me and said I had flawless complexion when I had a pimple on it..My first found best fren SITI ZAHARA..hahas..Andeline the one that I thought was in the wrong course..hahas..Rina the noisy girl in class..hahas..still is ehh still is..LOL..hmm who else let's see..Jinyi aka JING YI aka Edmond aka HANDSOME ED..hahas.. the ah goon I thought, on his first day in class, whom turn out to be the funniest monkey..hmmm, Ryan and Ming han when we went to watch X-men3 lol! when we were suppose to do CIP, together with SuZhen..Gabriel that fella who fell for Yvonne, hahas!! u sucker! lol!! hmmm Yvonne that went haywired..Jieyin ever wanna fight with me..lol..Cai ling the one that has nice hair..Siyu the very skinny girl with long hair, Felicia hmmm the monitress..Huifen..the loud speaker!! lol!! no offence, but you seriously gotta tone down a bit.. =p Yati, the purple eye girl..nice lady..Farhana the ever so sporty lady of QA!! hahas.. Deedee the damn hot chick..hahas..Nysha the pretty girl..Ira I seriously love her hair..Alfred my suck blood brother..LOL..Johnson, the fella that sits beside me during OFA who likes to stay on soccer.net... Tom the fella that skidded near Circuit rd..hahas..hmmm,Azure the one that looks tao..hahas. Nurul the one who has very slim figure when she turned up at the first ever class chalet with tudung yet still looks nice..Sharifah very quiet girl that kinda get bullied at times..Naeera, she uses profound words man!! the twins..hahas. Kappoo the ever so irritating fella in first sem..that eventually went MIA..Allvyn he likes to drink..as of what Ms Choo said..quan tien the ever sleepy guy..Iza the shortest yet smartest..no offence arhh.. ;) Jun Jie!! wah wah wah this fella, always careless during OFA..Yana, I only started talking to her like 3rd Sem?..cool chick.. did I miss out anyone??..if I did, my sincere apologies okay?..
Anyway, though it's only 2 years, it's nice having people around in this class, though Im not that sociable to all, but I hope U dont forget my name someday when you happen to bump into me..Last but not least...of cus it's Joycelyn!!!, she is with me since sec 4 okay! lol..I didnt put ur name last on purpose okay..she was with me day 1 of school alrite! a gamer.. the one with all the latest gadgets.. =)

Im JOANNE.=)

Dress on SALE

Wore only once selling at $18. Contact me at daze1034@hotmail.com

Lady is 163cm.

CNY 4th Day

So right now I'm freaking bored. Ended up betting soccer with Senget..hahas!
I bet Liverpool gonna win so yea, you better suck thumb and just pay that $1.50! hahas..
Went Hog's Breath Cafe with the cheeky girls..lol. To celebrate Lily's belated 21st!

Man, we're turning 21 this year..freaking fast man.

The food there was not too bad, I liked the MUDPIE! hmmmmmmm =) yummylicious.
We're like talking bout Edison..LOL! comparing stuffs like is this the standard asian size etc, etc. LOL!

Okay, cut that crap..I sang the birthday song to the WRONG PERSON! lol..instead of singing.. " Happy Birthday to Lily... I sang it as "Happy Birthday to Sheryl.." LOL!!! OH MAN!!!!!! hahahs..

i'm lazy to blog alr..

Oh yea Im waiting for " The Leap Years", "P.s I Love You", I wanna watch them..
Who's up for "27 dresses" and " Ah Long Pte Ltd" ?!! Please bring me along to watch it!!! thankew very much!

Pictures uploaded =)

[ Birthday Girl ]
[ The Cheeky Girls ]
[ Lily & Cactus ]
[ Mudpie!! ]
[ah Long's gf ]

CNY- 3rd Day

Desperate means calls for Desperate measures. LOL.

Theme Park

I wanna head down to the theme park!! any takers?..

1st day of CHINESE NEW YR

Happy Chinese New Yr to all =)
Had a fruitful CNY eve, ate so much till my tummy felt weird and therafter was CJ7 with bi..
I would give it a TWO THUMBS UP!!! the show was way awesome =)
Though it's more like a non-fiction movie, where aliens exist, man that little CJ7 sure looks like my coco baby..hahas!
A movie which I literally CRIED! and laughed like mad..hahas. I LOVE IT! =)

Gonna prepare and head out to my ah mah's place fer second round of steamboat from where we left ytd, lol, and more steamboat at nite at my great grandmother's place..OH MANN!! Spare me from the sinfulness.

I fell in love with the DJ.. hahas.
I'm getting so high..

ANG BAO WO LAI LE!!!!!!!! =)

Ps: Can I own a CJ7 too? I promise I'll treat it good..hahas..

LEAVE ME ALONE.

Struggling Down.

People make choices everyday, every decision you make, you ought to know there'll be consequences to face. I faced mine. And I'm taking the other way out.
What are white lies?..
I dont seem to be able to comprehend, I've not forgotten.

Closed chapter.

Anticipating. It's Nerve Wracking.

Medical Check-up

A very good morning to all, I'm bloody tired right now, cus I couldnt sleep last night; tossing and turning, I just cant fall asleep, so eventually around 3plus am I went out to the living room to use my com.

So how will you feel satisfied with the term of " cherish every moment of your life?"
Are you cherishing every moment of your life right now? or are you sulking away on what had happened last week or yesterday?..
I'm still learning..
Man I'll be working at Katong today, luckily I have Drey to company me, but I wonder how's her eyes, poor girl hasnt recover from her eye infection yet..
This is gonna be a long weekend..

Apart of me feels sad.
Out for medical..Byeee

Same old story

Knowing that eventually I'll bound to get hurt, I still went head in.
Knowing that the hurt will be even worse, I still chose to head in.
I simply cant stop myself. I chose my path.

One tends to forget what they lost, and not remember to cherish.
Whereas Im one that tends to cherish too much, I held it too tightly.
As silly as I am, as silly as how you will call me.
I've fell back in.
This is the same old story.

I've chosen another path which is coming along my way very soon.
See where my limits can go.I'm beyond recovery.

I failed

I cant express myself well, but if you need to talk to me, just tell me, dont keep it inside of yourself. I know you're good at hiding your feelings. I wanted to talk to you but I dont know where to start, as a sister I failed.
I feel lost, like totally. As though Im crumbling down instantly. So many things in my mind, it's all jumbled up.
It's as though..

Im mentally breaking down.
I cant stop crying.

Tarot Card

Was late for work once again today, turned up only at 1.30 when I was suppose to start at 1pm
Hahas! Damn, but luckily there wasnt much for me to key in mostly just changing of destination.
I learned how to do airway bills today. I was kind of blur at first cause I was suppose to attach this document with that document, Des nearly killed me.LOL. But as a newbie you cant really blame me can you?..hmm, even photocopying of stuff was a difficulty to me. Zul tried to help but we made things worse, LOL!! Oh well :p

After which, Mum,Des and me headed down to Bugis for lunch, we had KFC's family feast! LOL.
It was extremely FILLING till I was on the verge of exploding.WAhaha.Kris came to meet us, and I was getting all excited cus Des had a deck of Tarot Cards, so I was looking forward to his readings.
We settled at Sketches, didnt really like the place, but their Tiramisu was SUPERB!!, yummy, sadly, no picture was taken cus my phone died on me. =(
Patiently I waited for my turn. Kris went first cus she was rushing..followed by mummy, after which it was finally MY TURN!! =)
I was the only one that had the "bad" cards, mum and Kris both had triumph cards whereas mine was more on the down side, so my reading was kinda bad..
But I got to work hard to change my fate, shall see bout that..

hmmm,
may the fat woman and best man wins. LOL!

I know I aint thinking too much

Knowing too much aint helping too much either.
Am I to chuck this thought aside? I'm having mixed emotions, I hate my self-confidence.
Just when I thought I got over the fact of some unreasonable thoughts, it came straight at my face.

Distance.
My thoughts are slowly turning negative, and this time it seems my intuition is true.
Help me. I dont wanna sink anymore.
I dont wish to see things that I dont wish to see, but it still happened.
I brush away the thoughts but yet another surfaced.

If the one you love doesnt appreciate you as much as your past, why cling on to her?..
maybe she isnt the one for you at all, it was only the nonsense she does that makes you happy.
Look around you, while you were depressed and thought you only needed her, it's actually cus you kept yourself cooped up in your room, you were so joyful with your friends, she aint that great afterall, dont cling on to her. She's just a lost soul now, she thought she felt happy, but she's having mixed emotions again, are you really sure she's the one for you?..
Because she just felt that it isnt, something is missing.

Mr Paul Frank..U STOLE MY FAG!
Ha.

Now the emotic girl surfaces once again.
Fucked up.
Dont talk to me.

NAFA

ARGH!. Good Morning!
It's finally TUESDAY!, a day which I dread the MOST.
We'll be having NAFA today @ 2pm. BOOOO!!!
Seriously, cant they just do off with that?, it feels so secondary school man. Damn.
People are telling me to take the 2.4km as a slow jog..when I got to clear before 15mins, else I got to retake!! eeeeyur, damn.

My fruit diet didnt started afterall, in the morning I had OILY CHICKEN CHOP, followed by flavour bust raspberry again when I met up with AUd and dinner was GRILLED CHICKEN! @ Cartel..OMG.
I've SINNED. I broke my own promise to myself. DAMNIT!
And I didnt attend vball training! eeeyur.

I was laughing so much when I met up with Aud ytd to study, ahahas.
Cash budgeting was giving us the headache, but the laughters cured them. I was laughing so hard, till I felt the cramps in my stomach. LOL.
We took pics from Aud's macbook and I was laughing awaay, our dumb faces, shall get the pics from aud and upload them soon!! wahahas.








Enjoy!! =) wahaha

Edited--

I remembered what I wanted to blog initially..
It was a bad dream I had that woke me up this morning.
It's like a past haunting me once again, must be too much of such nonsense jealousy talk that I dreamt of that whoever and that whoever together.
I'm like wtf in my dreams, like that stupid betrayal feeling.
I hate that so much. TOO MUCh.
And to think that she wasnt that decent afterall.
She was smoking in my dreams, LOL like WTF!!!!!!
Okay this is yet random but haunts me.
Pouts.


Morning =)
I feel so weird right nw after taking the diet pill..my heart is beating so fast and it seems as though I cant really control my limbs, my arms feels so gittery. :(
Omg, I dont think Im gonna continue with this pill.

I feel so lazy to have to work again. =(
Kay, gotta go prepare alr..

Long Day in Heels!

A very long day spent with my heels, killing me with each step I took.
Damn the heels man! Fuck Mo**o!! Stupid heels of theirs.

Made a few friends today, namely-Adeline,Michelle and Rosline and a few others which I cant recall their names.
They were extremely friendly and out-going. =)

This is gonna be so random, okay therafter I went to roam around MS,Citilink,Raffels City,back to MS and Suntec, before I finally decided on Swensens at Suntec.
That explains why my feet hurts so much now.
I went to have my lunch alone at Swensens while waiting for time to pass, as I was suppose to meet Fang,Sheryl and Gela for our "waxing session!!!!!!" ahhhhhhhhh!!
hahahs, it's located at Dhoby Gaut-Dhoby Express, not sure what's the salon's name.
Yes you're eyes arent playing tricks on you, we went for WAXING!!! ahahas.
At first I was making fun of them as they started first, then at last it was my turn!! oh damn!! it was freaking painful I would say!
The lotion or the "waxing cream" lol, the minute the lady apply it on me, I can feel the "heat" sensation, lol. Then she'll paste a strip of paper or what sort then she'll say breathe in! then "zzzzzzzzzzzziiiiaaaahhhhhhhh" the tingy came off with your facial hairs on it..........
Oh yea, I didnt said what waxing it was.. lol
It was..........

UPPER LIP WAXING

Cause of faggots that made fun of me bout the cute lil "moustache" I had, I decided to do off with it.
You better SHUT your mouth from now on FAGS!
hahas, Damn, it's painful..but I had some means thoughts, if guys were to bully me, this shit is gonna land on ur face, and I wont feel sorry for you. LOL. GOOD LUCK.

I'm tried..
Nites =)

Forget it.

TRUST IS HARD TO GAIN BUT EASY TO LOSE

How true is that..
i lost mine.

My rantings..

I feel tired, having to wake up each day to think of a way to handle my fringe, that fringe made me felt horrible. And I horribly miss my long hair. This is my HUGE mistake, to horribly went to the salon to get it snipped off.
2yrs of keeping it and now it's gone for good, I just kept convincing myself that my hair will be better when the new ones grow out. At least it's not frizzy anymore.

It's painstaking to start all over again, to wait for my once "long hair" to grow back again. Yes, people might think that Im being a retard whining bout hair that could be grown back, maybe because I'm too concious of how I look in others eyes, in other word- VAIN. Who isnt vain AT ALL? hmmm?.. =(

But I got to surpress that thought and not go for hair extension.
I'll just stop looking at myself so often in the mirror,reflections etc, etc.
I'll feel better that way, maybe wear a cap for a change, or maybe just find new ways of styling my hair, yea maybe new ways.
Freaking rebonding costed me $200. Money that literally went down the drain.
Horrible lesson learnt. I'm $200 poorer, and that means I'm gonna work more this month I hope or maybe next month.I'm trying my best to cut down on spending, today I spent $1 which I felt kinda guilty cus it was spent on flavour bust-Raspberry.
I've been dying to have an ice cream so I bought myself one on my way home from work just now.

Speaking of work, OCS has shifted to a new location, it's at the old Gan Eng Seng School, which is kinda ... hmmm it's not accessible, mum is trying to persuade me to quit, but..I'm not considering that as of yet. Maybe when I found another better paying job.

I'm beginning to aim higher, as in the usual average pay I get now, doesnt seem to satify me anymore. Maybe cus Im starting to buy stuff which I use to find them pointless to get. Or maybe it's cus my shampoo and all are no longer sponsored by my mum, just base on my dail necessities is already around $30 odd, that doesnt include my facial wash, or body wash. It's only shampooo!!. =(

Hais,the monetary issues again..


This looks like a rather long entry..
tired.

Mind over Body

Im just very tired, my visions are starting to blur.
Yet, my body and mind refuse to rest, I'm just thinking of the negative.
The negatives and the "what if's"..
I dont feel the way I should be feeling..
Some stuffs which I dont know how to describe. I just felt like doing so manny things at a time that most of the time I'm just staring blankly..just plainly thinking of what to do more than what are the stuff that got to be done.
Am I not making sense..hais.
Anyway as I was saying..
It still feels best to have things not within your reach, because when you eventually did..there will be 2 outcomes..
It's either:

1. You'll feel accomplished or whatsoever..or
2. You'll feel that it should not had happened.

See, Im back to the contradictions.
And, I still have my doubts.
This is not what I'm suppose to be feeling right now, but damnit why is it so??..

Home-ed

Was literally home the whole day today. Oh wells, reason being- I overslept once again, I was supposed to go jogging at the Tamp Stadium with the fellas, and I nearly missed it. Ha!

All in all, I've received 17 missed calls =p Sorry MH & Ed
So we jogged, hmmm they jogged, mine was the combination of jogging and more of walking..ahahas, and I've only managed 3 rounds. Pathetic! Damn.
After which it was Subway! I had their " Oven toasted Chicken Breast Meat Salad".
Yeap, I had SALAD. It was "not bad" but I'll still prefer Swensen's Salad.
Walked home, and tada! I'm stuck to the com till now..

Alright, I'll go watch tv, my favourite show is coming up next! ;)

I'm home =)

Like Finally!! ahas, mmm mum brought back ayam masak merah and nasi brani and pineapple tarts that are extremely DELICIOUS OOOOO la la =p

okay im lazy to blog further,
jus uploaded some pics I took for the past few weeks or days..

[ Went CANELE with Fang, Nana and Kiku.. hmmmmmmm yummm! :p ]

[ FUCKD UP..]

align="center">

[ Was Left alone waiting for the rain to stop at Tanjong Pagar...]
[ Ah Gong ]
[ Me and my lovable ah mah <3>

Exhausted

Im drained out, extremely exhausted, for the next few days coming up, I'll try to be a good girl.
Attend lessons, and sleep in more often!.
Yes, this will be my temporary short goal for the upcoming events..


-27th Jan ( Jayden's 1 month )
-7th Feb 2008 Chinese New Yr!! & Nana's Birthday!
-16th Feb ( OCS CNY Celebration )
-20th Feb ( Kiku Tuang's Birthday )

Before all these, I got to make sure I :

-Am eating lesser
-Get my hair extension done.. ( hmm, got to negotiate this..)
-Get my "Chu 2" clothes
-*My secret wish come true
-Get a memory card for my Camera!! ( ROAR! )
-Repay my debts
-Get my nails done

Hais, but above all these..
I WANNA QUIT MAHJONG!! LOL

It has cost me alot of investment, lol. Very little income, therefore, I'm gonna quit that for "a while" hahaha.
Was extremely angry yesterday over 2 issues, one was that monkey had shaved his bloody head and joined the army, so...my $$ got to wait all the way back to the 27th!!!! I believe he's gonna come out with another freaking lame excuse, hais. Must be my KARMA man.UGH.
And second..hais, I dont wish to comment further, it'll just make me age faster..

I have a hintch is that how you spell it, that my day for today will be a LONG one. =(
Boo, Im extremely tired, not enough sleep!!!
NO MORE MAHJONG FOR THE TIME BEING!! I WANNA SLEEP!!!

Oh yea oh yea, MY HAIR SUCKS TO THE CORE MAN!!!

Kay, Im off to work..
toodles!

Im fucking FAT NOW!!!! freaking 55kg!!.

Back by popular demand, LOL.
But very tired, work and school is tearing me apart.

Stupid Wahjong..
Everyone!! signup at viwawa and play mahjong with me online!,,
lol.

Im 20.

Finally Im 20.
I'll remember the 19th's.

Spinning out of hand, I lost myself.

" I don't deserve it,.."

It felt like the past, when you called and yelled at me..
Ever felt like you're here but you're not really there?..
Im not making sense alr..

I just kept dragging.

You're like a tattoo..

This came real bad on me. I wonder if anyone bothers anymmore.
I seriously didnt realise what has become of me..
And I didnt even realise everyone was leaving.

Left alone, no one to turn to.
I dare not even call up anyone.
I realise I dont have anyone to fall back on too.
Dont despair..Im equally pathetic.

Yea fucking do something about it, better than fuck here fuck there.

This coming from someone who was "my best pal.."
Thanks alot.
I guess if you didnt chided me. I'm still being as,.. I cant find that suitable word to describe,
basically..
I've let people around that used to cared down..
and now..they're slowly drifting away from me..


why do i feel the ache so much?..
Maybe it's best that everyone leaves me.


Can i jus end this life....
I hate myself.

Sometimes I envy others that have really great pals around, remembering you.
Celebrations..etc etc.
Fun filled memories, long table filled with people, friends.
Filled with laughters and joys.

I dont remember any of mine like that.
Hahas. How awkward this feels, now I know why I dont want it to happen at all.
And Im not saying I dont have great pals around okay..hahas. =)
Im just feeling very "Emo-tic" this morning.

And I seriously cant recall...arrgh. My memories are failing me.


Im so not looking forward to it.

Tired.

Tired. Extremely tired.
Lethargic.
5 pills.

goodnight.

When you've got no faith, no confidence, no nothing, what will you tell yourself?..
It happened before, and I told myself, everythings gonna be okay, it's gonna be alright, yet, things still happened. Im holding back this time round, no longer having the courage to take another step forward.
It was nice sitting down talking bout the good old times, yet at the same time extremely depressing, sitting side by side with the once called "Love/Dear"..
Yes, memory lane, extreme killer.

I've cried myself to sleep once again.

"Now we've lost it all, nothing last forever..
I'm sorry, I can't be ..."

I've choosen not to say so much..
It's not within our control..
That piercing pain. I've not really gotten over it.

goodbye.

Holidays

Holidays are like just a day away , consider the fact that it's already 2.31am Friday.
In about another 4 hours time i should wake up and prepare for school..

Im seriously very lazy, but Im gonna try and push myself. I guess I've chose not to go for the photoshoot later on..
So i guess my plans for Friday would be to go to school and thereafter head home to nap a while before meeting Xinyi for gym, which I hope I'm DETERMINED. lol. Man, I needa lose weight.
I've gained another 2Kg just like that..BOOm..

shall continue later..
nites.

-----Edited----

Okay, so I've just WOKE UP. Fucking hell. =( I manage to give my friend a MORNING CALL at 6.30am, yet I SLEPT back. Damn fucked up. =(

Called the people regarding the photoshoot, hais. See, lack of determination, everything gone.

Hahas, I knoew what to wish for Christmas this year; to lose alot of weight. hahas. Damn.

Alright, alot of pictures to upload, shall start with yesterday, then followed by Mr Ryan's 21st Birthday. Lazy to bore you guys out, enjoy the pictures..

[ The Outing with the ladies yesterday ]

( The top I intend to get.. =) on Sat. )

Pictures from Ryan's Chalet...

[Jo & Andeline]

[ Andeline & Suzhen using my phone to camwhore!!! and even set as wallpaper!!]

[ Me and Bird Day Boy.. ]

[ Getting the BBQ started..]

[ I've forgotten what Ryan was talkin bout..hahas..]

[ I just look like some dumb fuck..hahas.]

[ I didnt realise Ed was tryin to steal the limelight. ]

[ I LOVE Sweetpotatoes.]

[ Makan Time! =) ]

[ Handsome Ed's " feng huang dian qui xiang" ]

[ Me and Jieying ]

The Attack..waaha.

Slow yet torturing

Okay, knowing that at the end of the month you will get at least a pretty sum of money, gets you going each day.
But as days goes by, the health is deteriorating.
I've lost appeal in food. Been a long time since I sat down had a nice dinner, and a good laugh.
It sounds so bloody pathetic as Im typing this out, man I need some entertaining shit man.
I'm losing myself, I've worked hard, yet I dont feel the accomplishments.
So difficult to comprehend aye?..

I wonder where it's heading

Some say move on some say you're not ready to move on.
Im sticking to my own grounds, I cant help it at times.
I'm still stuck. I definately let a few people down. Some say, this is something only I can help myself with, some thinks it's a very small matter.

If all these "some says" made sense, am I too stubborn to understand that?.
I know Im trying to prove something here, but.
I dunno how to put it. Damnit.
This definately gonna affect people around me, be it one way or the other.
Im shutting myself up these days.
Shutting those thoughts, having sleepless nights, great.

Things Im suppose to use my brains- Accounts, studies, refuse to be in use.
Instead issues like the matter of the heart, the mind, me-myself, people around me.
I cant..just cant..
Okay maybe I can if I stop telling myself I cant..
But seriously Im contradicting what I belief and what Im thinking.

----Just now..
Was watching Heroes, now Im watching it again on StarWorld. Hahas, now Im stuck to this show which is not doing me any good, it's past bedtime, hahas! like I really sleep that early.
Now Im like a psycho talking to myself..damnit.
" Kiiiiiiiiiiiiilllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll You! " hahas, Achmed something if Im not wrong, hahas.
Oh yea, "Brothers & Sisters " seems like a nice show to watch too, but my mum is kinda irritating while watching that show with me just now, she just cant stop commenting on how FAKE people could get, come to think of it..at times you seriously cant help it, dont you?..

Phew..this seems like a long entry or it isnt?..
There's just too many things on my mind man..

Like what I told peishi..
I've isloated myself. Hahas.

Transit

This is what actually happens when you insist on watching " Transit ".
It ended around 3 plus am. Thus, I overslept and missed out the first 2 hours lecture, just completed photocopying my stupid resume thingy for CDP.
Im dreading school alot.

My stupid printer is giving me tons of problems, my friend tried to help me the other time through MSN, it was seriously cool, watching others controlling your mouse and everytthing, which I'm not suppose to mention a word bout it..hahas. Anyway, the printer wasnt fixed. It can only scan/photocopy.

I feel so lazy now to even move my butt out of this chair. =(
Alright should head to school now, CDP at 12pm.

Ciaoz.

Been very tired, must be the hangover.
I literally dozed off the minute I sat down on the sofa.

This week seems to get by real fast.
36 months..
But humanly impossible. 23 Nov 2010.

Waiting.