Point noted

Going to have a long sleep.

Point noted.

Been there felt that, I know how it feels. I've not been sensitive bout it. But I'll make it right. I believe in what goes around comes around. Been too selfish lately, got to spare a thought. Insecurity risks are never an easy issue to handle. I know how that feels.

Deceived?

Apparently I still don't get it. Am I really that simple minded till the extend that I can't even tell if this person is good or bad. Im not talking about 1st impression. Maybe more like how much you understand this particular person.

To me, I only see skin deep that's all. I trust too easily. That's my downside. Till it literally slaps me in the face, then I will realise what I am facing. I don't feel any bad vibes seriously, but I do have my doubts.

Looks can be deceiving. I've heard this many times, still?..

What say you?.

First Hand Experience

It was close shave with death last night, but not close enough yet. Till the next time.
Off to prepare for work once again.

My weekends burnt once again. Lucky there's Vi today =)
I bought Ettu Sai's acne concealer, hope it can create miracle. $36! and 2 MANGO tank tops =)
love loves.
Seafood platter for 2 was a killer, I feel so bloated now.

Now they are calling out to me. Eh ah pui. zzz
Thanks so much for that mum and dad. IDIOTS.

Off to work`

Gullible.

Apparently, I trust people too easily till it backfires. How great can that be, it's like the saying goes " people farts and you Tarik ".

At least the tide is over.

Good nights.

Edited--

Preparing for work now, just take a look outside the window..Oh man.. I wanna sleep in too.. Nic is sleeping so soundly that she is snoring right now..Hahahs!! yeap she came over my place to meet up for a while. Oh God I dont really ask for much, but at least a decent load for today, Im so nervous once again. And apart from that, Im feeling sleepy!!!!!! zzz. =(

It never gave me the accomplished feeling. Like it's finally a dream come true!, to me it's just another shift job. Whinning Jo.

Alright, I guess I need to be a little positive, a little more positive. Im looking forward to today's flight and that letter Nic said she dropped into my mailbox. I wonder what it is =))) hehe. It's not a love letter from her, please dont misunderstand, it's from the office. Keke, I wonder and wonder.. =))

Off to prepare now..
Ciaoz`

Blink of an eye

Just with a blink of an eye, my leave is coming to an end. Tomorrow would be back to square one. WORK. Man, I feel as if my leave should have been a longer one, hais. Greedy me. At least it keeps my mind off stuffs, looking forward to Friday/Saturday. Okay maybe Sunday, cus Saturday would most prolly be a sleeping day. Or should I join after work? which is like past midnight?.I guess not. Let him be. Else I'm like a 24/7 glue that sticks to him everytime he books out.

Had another nightmare, this time it was me wanting to leave Mantianal. Holy crap. I can't remember why, but I was devastated in the dream, for reasons I don't know why.

I guess I'll just do some read ups, tomorrow would be my JCL SNY, like FINALLY they planned me a day. To Phuket.

I asked myself that question, and I dont know how to reply.
So dont bother asking me, I'll tell you the same thing that I told myself too.

Jo.

I dont understand

Why?. I thought this phase has long past me, and it wont come back for good. Why? why is it bumping against me again?, what have I done wrong again to be reminded of it once again?. Can't you just find someone else to talk to? Yes. If you have not known, PARANONIA is back.

I cant be bothered anymore. Seriously. Enough is enough.

Grief

So many unhappy events happening around me, till I'm suffocated. I need a breather. My mind has to stop thinking for a while. New problems added, I know I cant help everyone solve everything, but I guess it's my nature, Im simply concerned nosy about everything. Headaches been bad lately, I don't know why. Been popping painkillers, doesn't seem to be of much help. I need to relax..rest. This upcoming 5 days leave would be a breather for me. Hopefully I recover.

Headache is killing me.

Iron and broken nail

Woke up with bad headache this morning, thus I skipped driving. Hais.

This morning felt weird. I had difficulty waking up, as those something is surpressing me. Guess I was too tired, I'm not sure if it was a dream or im subconciously awake, but I remembered hearing noises coming from the living room, that's why I tried to wake up but it was so difficult. I tried shouting but to no avail. No voice came out even though I used all my might, it took me a while maybe a good 5-10 mins? Im not sure but I was struggling. I kept shouting, till finally I hear myself. I woke up both arms numbed, and my head felt heavy. Too tired I guess.

Met up with Nic for lunch at TM - Tori Q =) been a long time since I had that, and it's still good. The tenderness of the chicken and the pickles and the sauce for the rice. It all blended perfectly =) more KGS added. Slacked with Nic at level 4 gossiped and more gossips. hahas. Nothing better to do, we just go on and on, till it was bout 2 plus when she had to make a move. Proceeded to Courts on my own and bought the new iron, as the one at home gave way this morning. My nail broke half way and it hurts like hell. The acrylic came off, and now it's my own nails that's left, freaking ugly.

[ The one that gave way.. ]
[ Pink is the new love =) ]


[ Just look at that fugly nail. ]


A call that caught me offguard.

Thoughts

I wonder if I'm really sensible enough, reasonable and neutral enough?

Many past memories had been entering my head lately, how this happened how that happened, how I went overboard with it, how they treated me. So many flashbacks.. all jumbled up. Worried, sad, angry all filled up in me. Worried of what's happening around me, sad when I had no one to turn to, angry when people vent their anger on me. Many more. I still can't see what my future would be like. But enough is enough, many said my motivation lifespan is way too little, no self discipline on that. And I can see for myself if Im not working on my life, it's not going anywhere in the future.

I need to slap myself up. I've lead an aimless life and it's enough for me already. 20 years of having fun. It's time to buck up and work for something that I want in the future. My aim is simple, just to lead a well to do life. Well to do as in able to provide, to shop, to tour around once a while, my own home. Okay maybe I can stay with my family, just revamp the rooms will do. =)

Step by step I guess.
Nites.

If you just realise what I just realise...

Problems aside

Problems aside for now. I wish I have my own room, I've decided to take the study room as mine. I will start changing it during my leave. Which is coming very soon. 11 Oct-15 Oct.

Think ahead. Think for the future.

Long

It's been a while now since I last updated and I almost forget what was my password.
Many things have been happening lately and it's still ongoing.

My head has been hurting like mad lately.

Departure..Not

My khaki is leaving, both sad and happy. More of the sad though.

Happy that at least she's not stressed up anymore.

1 thing I learn from drifting. It drifts further. Im afraid this would be another drifting friendship. Hais. It's always like this. When Im really comfortable with this person, some reasons have to happen and people starts drifting.

True we can plan something and maybe meet up and all. But I've heard it too many times. I'm one person that cant stick to the plans, always having something coming up at the very last minute. I've lost touch with my secondary school babes. Even that handful is difficult to meet up with them. I've tried planning to meet up, but same thing goes again, something crops up. Or I went awol without any msgs.

Independent loner I guess.

Got appointment for my nails. Got to go prepare already.

Ciaoz.

The call

Received an unexpected call. But I didn't answer, no point.

Last night Chelsea vs Man Utd.
It was so exciting! Chelsea nearly lost! whew, close shave luckily Chelsea scored else the botak would be so upset bout it. He wore his camo helmet running around the living room, it was so hilarious, he's abck in camp :( come back soon.

Tomorrow would be our J class training, batchgirls!!! :)
Picture taking session. GOssips!! hahas. Can't wait.

Prepare for work now.

Ciaoz =)

My Best Friend's Girl

I love it! =) I like this show alot. Dane Cook is good. He fits the role perfectly. Anyways, I just love slacking out on Saturday Nights. Though the initial plan was clubbing but we were kinda lazy so Movie was decided. And Im glad I chose to watch it. Because it was worth it.

Not too much of details here, I ain't no spoiler. Go catch it. =)

Im still eating alot, but surprisingly I couldn't finish the popcorns for once! for people who knows me well enough, will know that at the end of the movie, Im always left with popcorn all over my seat and myself. LOL. I don't know why, but yea. =p

Edited.--
Im changing my daily routine =) see how it goes.

Alright good nights people.
Have a good rest Joanne. Let your god damn mind rest for once.
Peace out.
xoxo,
Jo.

Pain

It's hurting so much! Crap. The tummyache is killing. =(

Para

I fucking hate it. I cant stop thinking bout it. No point yelling either.
Fucking why must what they say be true. What the fuck am I suppose to do now?

Thanks for playing this over me over and over again GOD.
Why put me in such situation. If Im gonna lose it, Im not gonna fucking brood over it anymore.
It's not te same anymore. I knew we lost it.

Weight issues

Seriously, it's getting on my nerves, the munching just goes on. Is this a problem or it's just me that is having problems controlling myself. Im binging man. ALOT. Till it's pretty bad. I've gained so much since he POP-ed. Im not trying to put the blame on someone but yea. Im eating alot, maybe cus my stress level has gone down like way and alot and Im more optimistic lately, that everything I do got to do with food. It's been such a freaking long time since I had weight problems, and now it's back to HAUNT ME again! Freaking crap man, where's my gym sessions and all gone to! PRocrastinations, blame the weather, blame the mood Im in. Everything boils down to me. Why am I popping food into my mouth! is there any alternatives?! Im gonna goggle and see the reasons to why Im binging.



Just last night, I bought black pepper seafood pasta from Swensen's to Dar's place. 2 set. 1 for him and 1 for myself. I ate more than him! ARGH!
He looks freaking slim right now, I wonder where that belly went. UGH!
This is so irritating, the tummy is bulging out already yet I still cant stop EATING!!
This is the side effect of quitting from........but if you wanna live a healthy lifestyle you got to quit that. CRAP THIS SHIT MAN!

LOL. Omg, Im going on and on bout my weight problems..haha.
Oh yea, watched that " Forgetting Sarah Marshall " movie at his place



seriously they are motivating me to work out like real soon, okay i believe people that knows me know the fact that when I say it motivates me, last for maybe the most 3 days, and Im back to square one.



FAT CHUBS is back, I hate it when he calls me CHUBS. Like I rather people say Im slim and all.
Stupid. Nothing will work when Im just ranting.

Fuckomofo.

BORED!

Today I feel a little tired, a little lazy. What a week, this week is bad. On a lighter note =) POP LO! hahas.

Shall upload the pictures soon.

Happy belated birthday GIRL =)

Goh Pei Shi.

PS: This is your 20th birthday.

Sorry wasn't able to celebrate ur 21st this yr, but nonetheless, hopefully there's a meetup soon. =(

Tired

Basically I just feel a little tired today. A little less motivated to work today. =p
But eitherways, Im leaving home soon, be back in the evening.

That's all folks. Im BEAT.

Random

Been reading her blog for quite some time now. Each time I read it, my heart aches, everyone's supporting you girl please don't give up. It seriously tears me apart whenever I read her entries, she is so brave to pull it through till now, if it were to ever happen to me, seriously I wont be able to continue. Hang on girl, the rainbow will reappear soon, dont despair, we're all here for you.

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Went for a haircut at Gatomore today. Hahas, cute name and a cute hairdresser.HAhas. =x
Im like so excited, will be doing my nails tomrrow. Needed a little pampering for myself lately. I need to stand up for myself, these words kept repeating itself in my mind. Enough of people worrying for me. I need to be firm, no more Ms Nice.

Had my long gossip session with Nic today, awesome. My bottled up thoughts all unleashed. hahas. Man it feels good.
Another off day tomorrow, then followed by a Kuching flight.

This week is coming to an end, as in the weekends are approaching. =) and the weekend getaway. It feels good to be alone for a while some time.
These are just some random thoughts, nothing much.

Suicide is not chosen;
it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.

quoted from her.