study week

I've got my notepad, so I guess revision gonna start this week. Study khakis any out there?. I thought I was carrying the "why bother" attitude to lesson, which doesnt seem to be the case. Im quite affected by the assessment of my result. UGH! *Deep breaths..* More effort please!.

On a lighter note, I went on a little spree today for myself to cheer myself up =) I've cut my fringe and coloured my hair-ash brown. But I see nothing! lol!! what an idiot. Caught a little of crayon shin, cant stop laughing hahas!! irritating but cute!.

Super random thoughts in my head, Im gonna have a 2 weeks break from school after next week, woots! and hopefully get to rent car next month.. =) needa drive a bit, else Im losing my skills already.

Ciaoz for now~

Xoxo,

Jojo

Bullshit

I'll be freaking lying through my teeth if I said I was fine. I feel so imbalanced right now this instance. That image still couldn't get out of my head. I asked for it seriously. Months of suffering, maybe weeks, it aint that long either, have slipped away from me. I took so much effort to make myself forget, but within split seconds I stabbed straight back into my open wound once again. I aint Holy Mary. Worse of all, I cant cry it out. I cant even word vomit, why am I allowing all these to happen on me?. This virus attacks me only at night, and at such hours. I'm awake right now and I'm suppose to be preparing for flight.

Am I that weak?. I feel like screaming seriously, like using all that I've left in my black lungs, scream it all out. I wanna evict this "castle" in my head. Get it out of my system, I was so strong when I had my conversation with Cheryl, where have it gone to? I feel as though Im going crazy. How can I allow this to happen to me?

You're so happy with your life, after damaging one after the other. Sorry really doesnt work. Is this what Im suppose to learn Dear God up there? that it's my KARMA this has to happen to me?. I need an outlet, I dont know what's next on my mind that I wanna do.. it feels as though there's a split personality in me. I dont wish to hurt people around me, seeing me in this state.
I need to vent this evil feeling in me.

For those that has a weak heart and aint no game, please dont come near me, for the moment my heart has turned bad once again. It feels like vengence.. sounds so scary. But it's just words.
All in all, Im only good at whining..

Typing it out does helps to a certain extend I guess.. I feel slightly back to normal now.
I guess no one understands this, except myself, please pardon this pretty long entry, I just wish tonight will be last time I have such feelings. Once the sun comes up, I should FORGET about this bitter sweet nightmare.

A leopard will never change it's spots.

Im being bias right now, Im thinking only about MYSELF.

Taking NO MORE BULLSHITS AS OF 12.03.10 MARK ME!

bong!

A fulfilling day spent today. I followed the schedule I've planned, and it feels good. Something Im proud of =) cus I dont usually keep to my plans, due to unforseen circumstances.

Went over Van's place after flight with Aud to see the little princess Jaylene. =) A replica of Jayden I'll say, sleeping peacefully without worries, no sadness, .. I feel at ease when I see the young ones..after which I left for school. The journey there was tormenting. I need a mini pillow, I'll take it with me when I head for school..LOL!! I was leaning against the panel, and was side head banging all the way till Cityhall. So embarrassing balls... =( hiak hiak hiak .. I DONT CARE!!!

Everyone seems restless today, it was funny, as though I've not seen my classmates for a while,
I'm uttering nonsense, very sleepy already..

All in all, through all that had happened lately, I've learnt some stuffs, maybe grew from it..I just wish that people around me dont get nonsense treatments no more, let them lead it the way they want it happily.. life is short, stop being so petty, let bygones be bygones.. no point biting on to it, what's the point?.. I rather have a table of people filled with laughters and nonsense, when was the last time that ever happened?..

Good nights..

Ultimate

Literally torn into pieces. It's the second time.
Useless me.

Darkness prevails

Going to Hyderabad tonight, you monkey better not fly kite!

Was doing my summary for like 3 whole hours? and it's not even 500 words! omg. This makes me feel crappy, I could have done better! ugh. Bloody swine, now I got to relax, clear my mind, paint my nails and prepare for work. This feels so good. So occupied. Im gonna try the $10 massage at T2 one of these days..

Now I know what Teresa meant by it's uberly hair torturing.. I can feel my hair getting thinner each day.. where's my saving grace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TOINK-ED.

Helipad

It was my first time over at Helipad last night. The ambience was good, relaxing. Scenery wise was filled with Clark Quay's colourful lightings that went on throughout the night. Thoughts ran through my mind. Had a glass of Lychee Mojito, first sip will be the sweetness of the lychee, followed by the minty lime after taste. It feels refreshing.

A month plus has passed, it just makes me wonder sometimes..

Busy

I've never felt this kinda feeling whereby I'll sit infront of the squarish emotionless monitor and typing on and on. This habit is starting to kick in, and Im getting the hang of it. One down, five more assignments to go. 2 weeks break doesn't seem so comforting for me no more. Submissions and more. I need more than 24hrs!
Besides assignments and work, I've not bought myself any decent CNY clothes! but Im not very bothered by it, not in the mood as well and $$ is running low. Crap.

Rest time up..
heading back to assignments.

Adios~
Jo

Far away

I'll be departing at 910am today to Kathmandu.

This vicious cycle still lives within me. A part of me concentrates on school and the other, lost. I thought I was able to handle it, but it keeps haunting me. I cant seem to focus. Bits and pieces kept recurring in my mind. I have to smile and maintain positive when Im outside . Can I turn around this time? can I hide away for a while?.

I dare not think of anything, I just kept myself busy, to make myself exhausted. I cant have silent moments like this. Im scared. Really. How long this has to go on?..

Have a great weekend.. =)

Stress

Coincidentally my English assignment is to create a flyer for students in SIM to teach them on how to relieve stress or release stress, when I havent come up with a method for myself to relieve stress. Yesterday was madness, I literally felt like jumping down with the Maths book man. geez~

Time literally slips away balls. Im no longer within grasp of my time management. Crazy. It's driving me up the roof. Having to juggle with work and school, I cant even spare a weekend this week to do my assignments with my group, it is definitely giving me a hard time. I can feel how equally anxious they are bout the projects and I've got long flts on weekends!! This is so terrible. With the holidays coming up real soon, I hope I'm able to fork out more time to meet my mates and storm the assignments!.

I need a maths tutor, please :(

Second week

It's my second week of school, so far not that good. LOL. But slowly able to catch up with the pace. Though Im not as experienced as my classmates that has the experience in their jobs easier for them to relate. Im definitely not saying that I wish to drop out now, not exactly. Unknowingly, it's coming 3 weeks since I fell. Slowly standing up. At least now I can touch the wound and clear it slowly. No more tears rolling.

My nonsense died down, more quiet now?, or Im still using mask around. It feels quite handicap sometimes, when I stare at my phone, it just doesnt react the same way anymore. I just feel that I should just turn it off since no one will call cept for rostering.. nah, not gonna blabber on anymore..

My Ipod died on me! forgot to charge. I'll listen to the commuters on the train today I guess..

Ciaoz~

Assume

Thought it can work out. Im just driving myself crazy. Endless crying has caused blur visions and it's getting irritating. I cant see clearly and my eyes are getting smaller each day.

Will be having lesson again today. Bought my necessary stuff for school, found my bag pack and bought my foolscap paper and files from Popular.

No one asking where am I, what's taking you so long, you only like to drag till late...etc. Kinda miss that. Hahas, I promise myself not to cry today. Enough of it already.

Hope you can make a decision soon. At least let me know something. Dont leave quietly.

Test of patience

Just when I've settled with school, Emirates is recruiting!! #$^#@$%
Yes, like what Aunt said, it's always something better planned for me. For a split moment I wanted to go for the interview and get out of here. That's stupid. I'll just stick to my studies since MI has approve my studies.

2 and 1/2 years aint that long. Must not let myself down, it aint easy getting the money for studies. Give me the strength, be it good times or bad.

New challenges

School has officially started yesterday. It's like information overload, but should be fine after reading it through again from the textbook I got from Ken. Thanks dude!. I feel the pressure on me. Lucky there's a primary school mate in my class! Im happy for that already. I've formed up my group members for projects and I've got 2 assignments on hand already. Will be heading to do some research on my assignments.

Never listen should never be in my dictionary again. Devastating.

JIAYOU to me!

so near yet so far

It's merely a day or two. I lost the confidence I had. Im dropping at an alarming speed to the bottomless pit. Im turning blind real soon from this. What am I thinking?. Please stop already. Why it hurts even more now?. I lost it. Losing myself.

water tap

I feel the intense sadness. It's getting to me quite badly right now. Give me the strength please. I dont want to break down.

Hungry

I was feeling too hungry when I woke up. I ransacked the fridge and found my birthday cakes!! yes not one or two but A FEW!! I was really hungry, couldn't help it and took the smallest box of it consisting of a slice of black forest and mango moose. I finished the black forest hoping it doesnt comes up with any reaction later in the day. I dare not touch the mango moose, it tasted a little weird so all in all my cakes are going to a waste, I threw it away. I've still got the chocolate cake and one more dunno what cake..omg. I guess they've all gone bad by now. =(

Im still hungry. UGH.

unique

Recently I was being introduced to this new milkshake store, " once upon a milkshake" it is SUPERB! super fattening but nice. LOL, I went back there again to get another try. hahaha. I wanna try more unique stuff in this small lil island of Singapore. But at the same time I've put on quite a lot weight. Damn depressing. How to fit my uniform like that!!! UGH!.

My leave is coming up, school is starting soon, money is running low and my tummy rumbles after every 2 hours!!!! WTF?! Im back to the original FAT JO. Mum has reinstated my name "Ah pui" again. %$#^#^$

Got to go prepare for work now..
Ciaoz

depress entry Day 1

im fat and depress now with full of pimple outbreak! #$@#%#^$ CRIES!!!!!

TODAY!

Had been going to STC for the past 2 days for my recurrent and Im glad everything is over. It was tiring but fun, especially the second day whereby you get to do more hands-on. Not much of batchgirls doing the recurrent together this year, only Ziana and Sarah. The rest are mixtures of CICs and other batches. But it was fun. =) and the coolest part of all, I get to have lunch together with my 2 uncles at STC!! hahahaha! one of them was having recurrent as well and the other was in office doing ground duties for a while.

The weather is so good this morning <3 I literally slept through the alarm. Guess I better go prepare soon and head down to SIM. Making my payments today. Orientation would be on the 18th which is like next week?. Cant wait man. =) Back to school. It feels good in a sense. Test of my endurance.

The weather is making me lazy. But nahh, not gonna waste my off day. Have a pleasant day people! =) Ciaoz!

minimum

Im really tired. It' my 3rd day today. I cant even wake up earlier to prepare. Look at the time now. I got to go bathe already. My eyes are shutting and my body is aching mad. SAVE ME! =(