Dream

The freaking dream felt so real, it felt so familiar. Like it'll actually happen. Must be too much mentioning of it already. I feel damn affected by it.

Can I just say dont go?. Apparently not.

Im sinking already. I seriously hate this feeling. Im looking forward to my off day.
Which I hope it's a good one.

Fucked up.

Flo Rida

LOW LOW LOW LOW LOW LOW LOW LOW.

Happy Halloween to everyone out there who loves to dress themselves up when they already look like crap. =x

Contradicting shit. Just cause I wont be able to enjoy it Im insulting it. What a loser.

Sometimes, I really wonder why. It slapped me hard on my face. It tore me down.
I wanna see that sunrise again.

Welcome to the fight club.

Nights.

Tired. Grumpy. Hungry

The wind is howling outside as I'm typing away. How I wish I'm still sleeping right now. UGH.
Today's to Solo. Back by noon =) but apparently I've got some halloween errands to run, Bras Pasar. Hmm, where's that man?. Just to get a MS uniform, DOUBLE UGH!. Hopefully it's near Beach Rd or something. At least I can get something for myself just in case I wanna go out and party away tomorrow after my 4 SECT. =( Tired to the max.

I HATE drunkards. REALLY.

Driving yesterday was terrible, I stalled total : 3 times. =( For a freaking right turn. UGH. Where have the fun of it gone to?. I prefer driving without my shoes on =)) and it's okay to be barefooted when you drive during your test. BUT, the disadvantage of being barefooted is that, you tend to use your toe to step onto the clutch, which apparently happened to me and I almost cramped. Hahas, what an IDIOT.

Hais, clock is ticking.
Got to go, got a flight to catch.

Toodles,
Hungry Jo.

TLC

Maybe I've been a lil too much lately. A lil more confidence, a lil more self-esteem, thus it gave me a lil boost and Im starting to voice out.

I dont ask for much do I ?
It's just a small little thing which I believe could have been a joke. Instead it turned the other way.

To EVERYONE please, when you happen to call me on the phone, please do have PATIENCE with me. I'm having a little problem with my hearing, must be due to the loud engines. Either that or my phone is giving way soon. So I'll tend to "HUH?" quite often. Do bear with it. Many apologies.

Im tired. Really.

Another working day for me again tomorrow. A long day. How to pass it?.. =(
I've not even rant out my day for today, nono I mean yesterday cus it's already past midnight now.

TLC.

Jo, what have you done again?..

Drunk

You weigh more than a ton man. Hahas. Currently at my place, he is dead drunk. Sleeping like a log right now. Thankful for his friend to send him to my place and helped me carry him up. Else I'll be spending the night downstairs together with him beside his puke.

To ERIC TAN!. You better WATCH OUT!. Dbl O right, I'll go there to find you some day. IDIOT!.

I can only laugh at your silliness. Your're so wasted.
But I'll never believe what a drunkard says.

571 post

Nothing significant about it. I'm just bored, cant think of anywhere to go. Currently he is doing some stuff to his laptop. So yea, Im sitting here using his com to blog. Half a day gone, oh wells. Weekend gone. Crew scheduling calling me anytime now I guess, wonder what flight I'll be doing tomorrow.

Bored.Bored.Bored.

Girls

Sensitive. YES.

I've always been sensitive bout stuff, though Im known for having a lil elephant. Hahas. I'm sensitive especially if I feel like I've been misunderstood or otherwise when it comes to issues with friends. Never the less, I apologise if I was giving attitude of what not.

Cause I was being wronged before and it felt like shit. It just reminded me of other stuffs. Anyway, hope problems has been resolved.

Concentration

My concentration this morning was off. SO off.
Couldn't fall asleep thus I used the com all the way till 4am. Therefore felt like shit. I was so tired at work, the load was freaking full. UGH. It's all over. =) Sigh of relief.

Today was nothing but the norm.

I believe in what I see for myself. I'm sick and tired till Im immune to it. I don't feel hurt, I don't fear neither do I bother anymore. If you loathe me that much, then you can jolly well dont turn up. What's the use of turning up and showing a face?. No point acting nice to me, when you don't mean it. I dont need that crap from you. You can choose not to answer me too. I tried explaining to myself maybe it's my fault, but that was back then. Things hasn't change one bit. You're still the same. I can't be bothered with you anymore. Do whatever you like. I don't care.

Im tired.
Needa rest.
Nights.

Point noted

Going to have a long sleep.

Point noted.

Been there felt that, I know how it feels. I've not been sensitive bout it. But I'll make it right. I believe in what goes around comes around. Been too selfish lately, got to spare a thought. Insecurity risks are never an easy issue to handle. I know how that feels.

Deceived?

Apparently I still don't get it. Am I really that simple minded till the extend that I can't even tell if this person is good or bad. Im not talking about 1st impression. Maybe more like how much you understand this particular person.

To me, I only see skin deep that's all. I trust too easily. That's my downside. Till it literally slaps me in the face, then I will realise what I am facing. I don't feel any bad vibes seriously, but I do have my doubts.

Looks can be deceiving. I've heard this many times, still?..

What say you?.

First Hand Experience

It was close shave with death last night, but not close enough yet. Till the next time.
Off to prepare for work once again.

My weekends burnt once again. Lucky there's Vi today =)
I bought Ettu Sai's acne concealer, hope it can create miracle. $36! and 2 MANGO tank tops =)
love loves.
Seafood platter for 2 was a killer, I feel so bloated now.

Now they are calling out to me. Eh ah pui. zzz
Thanks so much for that mum and dad. IDIOTS.

Off to work`

Gullible.

Apparently, I trust people too easily till it backfires. How great can that be, it's like the saying goes " people farts and you Tarik ".

At least the tide is over.

Good nights.

Edited--

Preparing for work now, just take a look outside the window..Oh man.. I wanna sleep in too.. Nic is sleeping so soundly that she is snoring right now..Hahahs!! yeap she came over my place to meet up for a while. Oh God I dont really ask for much, but at least a decent load for today, Im so nervous once again. And apart from that, Im feeling sleepy!!!!!! zzz. =(

It never gave me the accomplished feeling. Like it's finally a dream come true!, to me it's just another shift job. Whinning Jo.

Alright, I guess I need to be a little positive, a little more positive. Im looking forward to today's flight and that letter Nic said she dropped into my mailbox. I wonder what it is =))) hehe. It's not a love letter from her, please dont misunderstand, it's from the office. Keke, I wonder and wonder.. =))

Off to prepare now..
Ciaoz`

Blink of an eye

Just with a blink of an eye, my leave is coming to an end. Tomorrow would be back to square one. WORK. Man, I feel as if my leave should have been a longer one, hais. Greedy me. At least it keeps my mind off stuffs, looking forward to Friday/Saturday. Okay maybe Sunday, cus Saturday would most prolly be a sleeping day. Or should I join after work? which is like past midnight?.I guess not. Let him be. Else I'm like a 24/7 glue that sticks to him everytime he books out.

Had another nightmare, this time it was me wanting to leave Mantianal. Holy crap. I can't remember why, but I was devastated in the dream, for reasons I don't know why.

I guess I'll just do some read ups, tomorrow would be my JCL SNY, like FINALLY they planned me a day. To Phuket.

I asked myself that question, and I dont know how to reply.
So dont bother asking me, I'll tell you the same thing that I told myself too.

Jo.

I dont understand

Why?. I thought this phase has long past me, and it wont come back for good. Why? why is it bumping against me again?, what have I done wrong again to be reminded of it once again?. Can't you just find someone else to talk to? Yes. If you have not known, PARANONIA is back.

I cant be bothered anymore. Seriously. Enough is enough.

Grief

So many unhappy events happening around me, till I'm suffocated. I need a breather. My mind has to stop thinking for a while. New problems added, I know I cant help everyone solve everything, but I guess it's my nature, Im simply concerned nosy about everything. Headaches been bad lately, I don't know why. Been popping painkillers, doesn't seem to be of much help. I need to relax..rest. This upcoming 5 days leave would be a breather for me. Hopefully I recover.

Headache is killing me.

Iron and broken nail

Woke up with bad headache this morning, thus I skipped driving. Hais.

This morning felt weird. I had difficulty waking up, as those something is surpressing me. Guess I was too tired, I'm not sure if it was a dream or im subconciously awake, but I remembered hearing noises coming from the living room, that's why I tried to wake up but it was so difficult. I tried shouting but to no avail. No voice came out even though I used all my might, it took me a while maybe a good 5-10 mins? Im not sure but I was struggling. I kept shouting, till finally I hear myself. I woke up both arms numbed, and my head felt heavy. Too tired I guess.

Met up with Nic for lunch at TM - Tori Q =) been a long time since I had that, and it's still good. The tenderness of the chicken and the pickles and the sauce for the rice. It all blended perfectly =) more KGS added. Slacked with Nic at level 4 gossiped and more gossips. hahas. Nothing better to do, we just go on and on, till it was bout 2 plus when she had to make a move. Proceeded to Courts on my own and bought the new iron, as the one at home gave way this morning. My nail broke half way and it hurts like hell. The acrylic came off, and now it's my own nails that's left, freaking ugly.

[ The one that gave way.. ]
[ Pink is the new love =) ]


[ Just look at that fugly nail. ]


A call that caught me offguard.

Thoughts

I wonder if I'm really sensible enough, reasonable and neutral enough?

Many past memories had been entering my head lately, how this happened how that happened, how I went overboard with it, how they treated me. So many flashbacks.. all jumbled up. Worried, sad, angry all filled up in me. Worried of what's happening around me, sad when I had no one to turn to, angry when people vent their anger on me. Many more. I still can't see what my future would be like. But enough is enough, many said my motivation lifespan is way too little, no self discipline on that. And I can see for myself if Im not working on my life, it's not going anywhere in the future.

I need to slap myself up. I've lead an aimless life and it's enough for me already. 20 years of having fun. It's time to buck up and work for something that I want in the future. My aim is simple, just to lead a well to do life. Well to do as in able to provide, to shop, to tour around once a while, my own home. Okay maybe I can stay with my family, just revamp the rooms will do. =)

Step by step I guess.
Nites.

If you just realise what I just realise...

Problems aside

Problems aside for now. I wish I have my own room, I've decided to take the study room as mine. I will start changing it during my leave. Which is coming very soon. 11 Oct-15 Oct.

Think ahead. Think for the future.

Long

It's been a while now since I last updated and I almost forget what was my password.
Many things have been happening lately and it's still ongoing.

My head has been hurting like mad lately.