lost.

sch is crazy. Lecturers teachin real fast.
im currently online as i wanted to rest a while from what i was doin..AFD
its actually all the basics stuff that i knew long ago.
But seems like i've returned all my knowledge back to the textbook.
I needa break man..HOLIDAY pls come soon! = (
Skipped touch ytd as i wanted to take care of Da.
Seems like i'm more of irritating than making him feel better.
Went to get him "Luo Han Guo" some chinese herb drink i guess..cures cough..
Did some excel work at his place..while he rested.

oh mann..its alr 7.. i guess i better head back to do my AFD..

Didnt know how i should put it, but it felt nice taking care of Da.
I don't know y...am i cut out to be a nurse?..OMG den im in the wrong course alr..
hahas..im lame man..

gtg..

Loving DB Lim = P

fucked up.

so knew this was comin from her.

she yellin non-stop lyk some never ending songs blasting on the radio.

yes im clumsy, lost my ez link.

wad's the point of yellin now..it wont make my card come back riite?..

watched "GREASE" last nite! =p

my first musical..with my bf = ))

thier songs were real nice.

and my bf..omg..real HOT! =x

he was dressed in green day outfit..hahahs..

i was a total pig yesterday..

changed clothes, shoes a few times..

hair wasnt done well..sorry dear = ((

and yahh..now im on dear's video of the week.omg

feel damm shitty fer the time being now..

but Dear was real sweet last nite..to sort of endure my whinnin and all

hahahs..hmmm hw bout watchin concert the next time?

MY TREAT! =p

at home.

im currently alone at hm now.
mum and dad has left for work.
sisters off to school..
im alone at home wif my monster and the television on.

finally im sitting down in front of my computer.
surfin the net, lookin through my mails, friendster, and blog.
didnt talk to Dear on the phone last nite..
guess we're all exhausted. lol
tt unknown number tt called me last night was Zara hahas..
she was using her bf's no. thought it was my boss..hahas..
im so gonna delete tt video of me playin sonic on Dear's phone..
i dun care how im just gonna do tt before he uploads it to YouTube or smth..
it's sort of like a threat to me..hahahs..
im gonna plan hw to get rid of tt. =x

im still considering whether to get track shoes or boots?..
still considering have not decided on anything yet.
having flag day today at tamp library..ppl who know me pls drop by if u can ya?..
its been a long long time since i was out for nite cycling..and i have no bicycle..and dear's bike is still parked at tt block and he has yet retrived it..hahah..unless im helpin him to bring it back..cus his gear came off so its lyk..ya..the bike is screwed up..hahas..
gonna meet up wif the nite cycling clan on the 1st of JUne = ))
gonna go club on Friday..FINALLI!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =p i've been waitin fer this day fer ages man!..
im so gonna plan my monthly usage of $$ if nt i aint gonna survive aftr the 8th of every month..
hahas..im such an idiot spendin $$ lyk playin games in the arcade..

speakin bout arcade..hmmm..Dear actually win me in Daytona..u idiot!
i was always the champion..hmmm..must be tt stupid steering wheel tt made me lost.
its been a long time since all of us had supper tgt..
its been a long time fer loads of tings..
its been a long time since i laughed till my stomach had cramps..

watchin "GREASE" tonite wif dear..hehe =p
wonder wad he's wearin..its counted as my 3rd month gift. =p
excited ya! hahahs..=x
its been a long time since i went fer such plays..
the last i rem was " such sweet sorrows"?
i kinda hungry though,,
i'll go ransacked my kitchen now..

adios!

im beat.

i totally suck today..it was so fucked up.
ran for track and field today and it was shit.

came in 4th position for 800m and 4*400m
im sorry gals..i didnt put in extra more effort..

wad was worse was Dear watchin the race..i asked him to come down to watch me..which i guess shudnt had cus he saw the lousiest times of me..i sucked at runnin to hell with tt man..i was so into runnin in the past..but i guess it was all over...i hadnt been runnin fer 2 yrs and i guess..my "talent" gone..hahas..

well i embarrassed myself in front of so many ppl..fuckin frustrated woth myself..y the hell am i panic bout sia?..i guess anxiety got over me and i didnt breathe properly?..had this sudden chest attack tt NEARLY made me stop on the spot...but many ppl would be let down so i decided to push on..but it was too late..i cock up the whole ting..im so sorry gals..

but i was at the same time happy tt Dear was there fer me when im down..= )) i love u dear..
Dear was real encouraging..even though it was just to cheer me up..i really appreciated it = ))

we talked abt things and some other problems..and i cant help but cried..yupps..dat feeling is awful...u were so brave..

i guess i better stop here..gotta bathe..I STINK = x hahas..

when times are bad.

one after the other..
what would u do when u feel tt life's unfair to u?..
what would u do when everything and anything never worked out the way u want it to be?
where is the end of the road to this never ending scar?

i want to be there to be in that shithole..
i want to feel what is gg through..
never knew the right words to say..
only knew of being a dumbell that knew nothin but play

in times like this i just wish i could do smth special and make all these prob disappear..
but i aint no GOD..i am too just human..
it feels so helpless just not being able to help in any aspect?...

i feel so dumb, like a piece of shit..
this doesnt sound nice but i just try to sum it all up..

tis aint sound right at all..and i'm tryin to fix things..and tryin nt to rub in more shit..
i just suck at helpin..
y cant i help?

_stupid shit.

dumb monster

been tired lately didnt really have the time to even sit in front of my computer to just log on to msn or just slack around...

well lets back track..
yesterday wasnt a good day i guess?..hmm..well kinda quarrelled? is tt considered one?..but we sorted things out and it was fine again..hmmm..yupp..talked again..
i have a bad feeling that something in me is gonna surface soon and i think i gotta stop tt man..i thought things would be different after all..but i was kinda wrong...it's like its always been in me and it would not be deactivated in me..yea..it sounds lyk a time bomb...
im paranoid, sensitive..etc anythin bad.
It runs in the family..i guess?..

Having touch rugby today..man im tired dont feel lyk gg fer sw too..=x but i gotta lose some weight man..i beta go get ready now..

im paranoid_

the BIG WALK

woke up at 5.30 am today to prepare for wad was comin..' The Big Walk ' wow..was suppose to meet dear at 6.45 am and i was lyk left my place only lyk 6.45 am =x hahaha..took cab down to meet dear at Tana Merah control..

Met dear at the control station and quickly took my clothes frm dear and changed into the Big Walk tee.. = )
was kinda excited bout the walk..a 10 km walk..we didnt cheat! we walked the whole 10 km! = )) so proud of the both of us..dear piggyback me when we were walkin bout 2 km plus..hahas..and those guys in yellow took a pic of us..omg wonder if tt wud appear in the newpaper..lol..raced while we were abt 5 km of the walk..and my nose started bleedin..so darn cool!! hahas..its been a long time since my nose bled..felt kinda giddy though after restin a while wif the St. Johns

i was so proud of ourselves..we actually manage to complete the 10 km! = )

dear followed along to my belated mother's day celebration..and yeap..= ) well i noe hw it feels..to be so stressed up wif ur partners family members around and all..=x
but it was sweet of him though to stay throughout the dinner..= )


[ i love ya = )) ]

missing u.

I'm sorry for the times you cried,
and the loneliness you felt inside.
I'm sorry for the way things were,
and the selfishness that you endured
I'm sorry I wasn't there to show,
the deepest love you'll ever know.
I'm sorry for the empty days,
which made u feel the unimportance
I'm sorry for the heart I broke,
that shattered with the words I spoke.
I'm sorry for the empty space,
that laid beside you in my place.
I'm sorry for the empty arms,
you fell into when times were hard.
I'm sorry fer the empty promises,
that made tink through wad was worth.
I'm sorry for ignoring you,
i so deserve a slap from u.


once again. I hate myself.

test for u and me.

went to meet up wif dear at his sch ytd..alighted a stop earlier and had to walk up to NP..was kinda having butterfiles in my stomach..cus its my first time goin to clementi to fetch my bf..= p tt feelin is weird didnt noe hw to describe tt..hahas..= ) i was lyk cursing and swearin over the phone bout the sch being so fucked up as it was a damm big campus?..hahas..and dear was lyk laughin on the other end..hhahas..he was lyk tellin me e place was filled wif china ppl hahas..didnt bring along my WMD..we headed fer ikea no knowin which stop to alight..hahs..was lyk lookin around in semi-darkness..had swedish meat ball,pouched salmon,one-bite of hot dog and nestle cookies..den it was time to head home....

y did it all had to end up tis way?..i didnt gave the very best of me?..never ran through my mind wad he was thinkin?..wad have i become..he's my bf and yet its lyk he's suffering all the time wif me..was the way i handled tings wrong?..my bf is important to me..yes i want to see him everyday..but y?..y cant i sort of compromise?..
y did i made him felt lyk rubbish to me?..he aint..
was suppose to hab a class outing today..i cancelled dat alr..gg to collect my pay later..and head back hm..cant fuckin msg,call or see him today..

did i changed?..or was it lyk tis all along jus dat no one said anythin bout it?..
i didnt lyk it when u suffer on ur own..even though its difficult fer u to tell me wad ur're feelin at least.
i didnt lyk forcin u to tell me tings..

i miss the times when we jus talk
i miss the times when we had ice cream wif a few entertainment..
i miss laughin at ur silliness..
i miss msgin u..
im lookin at our pic..
and my visions are slowin blurrin out..
a tear rolled dwn my cheeks...
i jus miss u.




i hate myself.

test.

argh!..i've got to wake up to study for the BFD test tt's gonna take place later..just cus last nite i was too tired and my brain seems to be refusing anymore information taken in...had touch rugby ytd..and the amount of ppl tt attened the trainin was only bout a handful fer gers..but it was kinda fun ytd..mayb cus i noe someone who can company me..Zara my classmate took up touch too..so yea i sort of hab companion there..hahas..

as per usual Dear came to pick me up..and i was kinda late though =p talked bout our day spent and hw was my cca blah blah blah..den the jealousy part came while we were on the bus..he was sayin tt " we shall see who gets jealous on Thursday" ...hmmm welll...we shall see bout tt...i shall prepare my AMD. is tt term known as 'AMD'? hahahs..lyk wateva. went over his place to put down his bag and den headed off fer dinner at 85. Had lyk wu xiang and omellette oyster..mmmmm...talkin bout it makes me hungrie man..hahas..

beta go studi alr..time is runnin out..hahas..gtg..

work

work, and mre work..i was late fer tis past 2 days...im not gonna be late fer work todae and take cab again..argh..i still have tonns of hw to do. omg...hab to burn mid-night oil i guess?..argh! hate tis..

had loads of chocolate to eat ytd..mmmmm yummy..but still hmmm..fattenin..contradicting huhs? hahas..im so gonna jog till i drop tmr at sch..i brought back all my sch books jus to tink dat i can studi..but..im workin hw to studi! shit mann..i gotta be hm early today man..so gonna rush my hw and stuff..

gotta go prepare fer work alr..ciaoz!

1st day at work

i thought it was gonna be darn boring at work as i would be the only one there workin..but i was wrong =x i saw Emily..her booth is right beside mine onli hehe..yupps found my slacker khaki liaos..hahas..knew 2 mre frens dere..one was catherine sellin the massager de and the other was may che..hahas..under toys department..the place was in a huge mess..flooded with "kiasu" ppl..hahas..

met Dear aftr work..he brought me his dinner..IDIOT! we went to airport to hab his bee hoon and did some crazie stuff on the way theree..hahas..we went cam crazie..=x took loads of piics till dear was sick of it plaedin me to stop! lol...it went on..takin pic all the way till we reach the air-port hahas..settled down at T2's viewing mall had his bee hoon and i brought him into Fish & Co. we had 'CHoc CHoc ARmaggedon' hahas..doesnt taste like Ben and Jerry's at all..hmmm...had loads of fun at the air port..i wana faint when Dear called me sweetheart!!! tt's mushy CAN!!!! hahahas ..well before i am late fer work once again..i beta zao =x

ciaoz_

late for work

once again..im late for work..i guess tt's nothin new huh?..hahahs..omg..
and yet i can sit here and blog when i'm like startin work at 11..hahah..ya if u noe me well enough..im an extremely LATE QUEEN..lol

dear came over my place last nite bout 8plus isit? hmmm..i wasnt sure cus the cramps was killin me so i just to "lie" on my bed..i guess i fell asleep..cus the last thing i rem b4 i fell asleep, the sky was still kinda bright...and the next moment i know..it was lyk dark outside alr...tt was when Dear called..hahas..took me a while to get out of bed, change and out for dinner..we had hokkien mee..and i drank e hot milo..we chatted alot..and wad do u noe.......it rained heavily..but i didnt reali bother bout it cus was kinda engross in the convo wif dear..hahs..chatted till the rain finally got smaller..while we were waitin at the traffic light..a bloodi van zoom past and e puddle of water just splashed onto me..and dear was sayin " lucky i wasnt aniwhere near it" HARLOW!!!!!!! HAHAHS...dear sent me off and went hm..my mum and sis were watchin SURIA chnl..some ghost storie..bout "susuk" it was freakin eerie...damm nice..im sooo gonna catch the show...wonder if it's on on every thursday?..

damm!!! im so dead hahas..gtg prep fer work! ciaoz!

back

a week of sch gone just lyk tis..well tings werent tt bad after all..got to noe a few frens..i guess it was after all me feelin paranoid in the first place..hahs..
my class wasnt dat bad after all..kinda joker though..i guess it was jus the starting..the new environment..ya those shit..hahas..
zhen was sayin tt the class shud organise some BBQ outings and stuff to get to noe the class beta..felt lyk shit todae cus of the stupid cramps thus cant attend cca..but dear gonna meet me = )) so sweet ..but i felt bad though..cus dear skipped his inline-skatin...= ( sorry...

omg..my cramps are killin me..gotta rest..
till next time..

these days

i ate chicken keburb at east point its nice..

-

Alot of things happenin lately..things changin..

dirt shit

it's only the second day of school..and nothing seems to go my way..i gave people attitude..made him upset

well i was real excited tt i can finally go to school,study..blah blah blah..i miss school life i seriously do..but things aint goin my way at all..got to wake up early for school..sit in the lecture hall listenin to 2 hrs of orientation shit?..do lame games..my class was the worst i ever been in..which made me dread school even more..time table was like shit..most of it he will dismiss sch early..and ya cant meet him..till later..met him for dinner ytd..at first it was fun,nonsense..and then nearin the end it turned sour..i realised im real insensitive bout what i say..im gonna tone down...i kinda gave shi hui attitude today oso..didnt noe if she felt it or not..but i didnt noe y i wasnt in a good mood either..must be the class.. = (

i just hope i can survive tis tormentin ordeal for 2 yrs..jus 2 yrs and im outta of the school..

things got worse when dear cant receive my msgs...his phone is having some problem i guess? or is it mine?..i dunno..but dear cant receive my msgs...so its like i cant msg him in btwn classes and stuff..and felt real bad when i had to call him..chat a little put down..chat a little put down..i guess he's upset bout it too...
im tryin to cope with the schedule..it seems like impossible for me to work..now i understand y my frens cant work so often in the past...

downside of me_

i do miss you..

2nd month!

its officially the 2nd month of
Mr Daryl Bryan Lim & Ms Joanne Tan established on 010306..

Happiie 2nd month Dear! = )

never in my life had i ever celebrate my monthly-vesary so sweet and romantic b4! hahas..i was late though..lol...had to do some last minute shoppin ytd..mostly in tamp mall..hahas..yeap..bought Dear a converse shoe tt has to change size..he's actuali a size 8 but i got a size 9..bought him a bottle of bear gummies..and a hippo dat recorded my voice in it =p

i finished arnd 6.45pm which i was suppose to meet dear at his place arnd 7?..changed to 7.30pm but i doubt i can make it on time cus i didnt noe wad to wear over to dear's place cus i didnt noe wad was his plannin..lol..basket!!! argh!..eventuali i wore a purple tube top and a Fox skirt..with heels..and dear was wearing his MYstery shirt and board shorts!!!!! argh!!!!!!!!! hahahaha..yes luff at me..but dinner was so so sos ososososososos NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DEAR cooked pasta wif carbonara sauce.becon bits,peas and carrot..and PORK fillet..hmmmm yummy!!!! the PORK fillet was mistaken as chicken by me..and yes! laugh at me again! hmmm!!! it was coated with Bbq sauce..it was sserved in a big round plate..like those i use for the "perfect match" in HD..it was lyk as though i was in the restaurant..Dear even prepared wine!!!!!! fine dinnin huhs?!! hahah..= ) tis is my FIRST time ever encountering such romantic atmoshpere..hehe..=p nice sweet dinner dear = )

i love you..= )