INSOMIA!! =(

Couldn't sleep last night, tossed and turned, my mind just simply refuse to stop thinking and let me sleep! =(
I was typing random thoughts on my blog last night but decided to delete it and re-write a short post. My random thoughts was rather nasty, a selfish thought, so I decided to delete it.

I wont be joining ken and the rest for the countdown taking place at Expo. But no worries people, the 3rd of Jan' 07!! ..wow, 2007.
I bet I'll be having flashbacks once again tonight. ALOT. I chose to catch fireworks tonight.
May everyone enjoy themselves at the countdown at whereever they are. I'll be at Marina. With my primary school friends.No drinking for me on sucha day. I might just blabber out my Darkest Secrets . Ha!
Oh boy, gotta go prepare for work. =(
Will be wearing a dress tonight. I will be dressed BLACK from head to toe.
"Welcome to the Black Parade"..

Hugs to all.Enjoy this day, which marks the end of 2006 and a new year ahead.
Toodles.

A night away before New Year.

It's a night away from New Year.
Good nights.

All by myself.

Slept my day away. It's like I've not slept for a long time. And today I was a good girl. I stayed home.
My friend asked if I wana go MOMO today, was tempted, but I rejected it. I chose to stay home to sleep. No more drinking session for me.

Was suppose to meet up with yl,ak at inter mac. But it was still rainin when I woke up around 8plus?..so yeap.We were all lazy. Kinda worried for that girl. I hope everything is fine for her.
I went imeem.com to upload songs to my blog. Was listening to a few of X japan's song. Yah, and it didnt made me feel any better. It just made me felt worse. Was very tempted to go MOMO, wanted to drink. But NO. I stayed home.

Meeting up Audrey and the rest to do the TPS project.
At least something for me to do tomorrow. School's starting soon, will be working a lot next week to clock in as many hours as I can.

What is wrong?..
nites.

That's how i feel right now.

Listen to the song and look at the lyrics.

Forever Love

I can't walk by myself anymore
The winds of time are too strong
Ah, what a wounding thing
I should have gotten used to it, but right now. .

Ah, hold me the way I am
My heart, damp as it is
Is being changed at this moment
If unchanging love is there

Will you hold my heart
Catch my tears
All my heart is ready to break

Forever love, forever dream
Only overflowing thoughts
Terribly, sorrowfully, bury all time
Oh tell me why

All I see is blue in my heart
Will you stay with me
Until the wind passes
All my tears start to overflow again

Forever love, forever dream
Be with me this way
Hold my trembling heart in the dawn
Oh stay with me

Ah, I wish everything were ended
Nothing is ended in this night
Ah, what a loss it is
There's nothing at all, only you

Forever love, forever dream
Be with me this way
Hold my trembling heart in the dawn

Ah will you stay with me
Until the wind passes
Now more than anyone else, with me

Forever love, forever dream
I can't walk farther than this
Oh tell me why, oh tell me true
Tell me what it means to live

Forever love, forever dream
Amidst overflowing tears
Until the shining season changes to eternity
Forever love

Reminiscing

It's my off day for today. A long night for me yesterday. Couldn't sleep. My head still feels a lil woozy. Exactly how I felt yesterday while I was at work.It's like the alcohol effect still hasn't go off.

I never learnt from my mistakes. Never. =(

Have nothing planned for today.Maybe I'll be sleeping my day away.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Okay Im back, can't get some sleep, can't get my eyes off the com.
Read my past entries, and I've like 201 posts including this entry.
Didn't really read all of it. After reading through my past entries, it's like everything just happened yesterday.
How did it turn out this bad?..
Those unhappy stuff that happened.It was seriously very minor matters.Why did I feel so sad at that point in time?..and made sucha big fuss bout it?..

I told people, Im fine, I can pull through.
But don't ask me how long I'll take.

I bet people that views my blog feels like giving me a tight slap. It's like I've said I would forget but in the end, here I am, repeating my misery. Is it due to my PMS that Im feeling like this.
Hais.
Sorry people, I just feel this way.

Melancholy

This is just not the time of my life.

The Pump Room

Von,Me, Ryan
Von and I (Suzhen and Me)
( Look at the Barrel, 3.5 Litres omg)
( My beer and Martini)

Spent my Christmas working away.Eyeing for the double pay hahas.After work went down to Bugis to meet up with Von and the rest.Headed down to Clarke Quay-The PUMP ROOM, Edmond was working there so we decided to head there to check out the new place, hmm, the atmosphere is nice, they have live band, and NO SMOKING =)
Von ordered one barrel (3.5 litres) it taste like Hoegarden to me.Hmmm..
First there was only Von,Ryan and me. Ryan dared me to bottoms-up. Hahas.
3.5 litres was way too much for the 3 of us to complete, we needed backups.hahas, we called down SuZhen, she brought along her friends, DK came down too with his friend.
So yeap in total, 8 people. Suzhen can really drink man, she bottoms-up with Ryan,her friends and me. Wooah` she can really drink man. Suzhen and me had extra order of Green Apple Martini, OMG, EDMOND!!! IT TASTE LIKE CRAP!!!!! I would prefer Lychee Martini man.
Von went a lil haywired, hahas, gotta company her to the ladies now and then.
Silly girl!!! PLEASE! IF WE GONNA DRINK ANYTIME SOON, I think you drink fruit punch will do.hahas, but she was fine after she rest a lil.

TO YOU
Im sorry for giving you so much nonsense.

Well, it wasn't really a nice Christmas celebration.
With everyone around asking "Where's your punk bf?"
all I can do is just "HUH?, =) oh we're not together already"
But they just wont stop there, they will go "How come?, When?, Who broke up with who?"
Okay I know it's just concern, but, repeating the whole thing time and again.
I just refuse to reply further, I just shrug and walk away.
I've just got NO MOOD for anything.

Can't wait to see the happy Joanne once again.
I need someone, someone who can help me pass this soon.
I'm tired of smiling and act as if everything is fine.
TIRED.

Sorry people if my reply to you is kinda cold.
Merry Christmas people.

and J, stop your blardy attitude, I don't wish to scream at you on Christmas Day.

MOS-ed last night.
Made a fool out of myself once again. I gotta learn man. So gotta learn.
Now my head is feelin so big and heavy! URGH.

Im officially taking a step back, alined with friends.
I aint gonna go further. I know where we end.
It was very clear to me last night.
"I dont love you anymore"
It just pierced straight into my heart.
I knew the facts but I just wanna avoid.
Afterall, it still feels better to be friends.
and STOP SAYING MY PARENTS NAME!!
LOL..

Friends =)

Okay just got home not long ago, and now here I am, once again to blog about my day.
Went Bugis with Audrey, she INSISTED on getting me a gift.She was feeling unwell at first when we met up. SILLY GIRL!, please STOP SNACKING!
She looked real sickly when we were at Bugis, I wanted to head home, wanted her to rest, but she's jut stubborn!..hahas..
We went Bugis St shop arnd and finally decided on a top =)
I bought a bag from BagLady, people you should check out this shop, their bags are real nicey =) it's located on the sec lvl.
I bought a shoe or is it considered heels? Mine was black while Audrey's was Red,woot`..just kept myself occupied the whole day, madness with Audrey.. =))
We shop and shop and SHOP!!! OMG, I cant believe I can actually do hours of shopping, I guess it's cus of Audrey's presence, hahas..
We disturbed Van and Von while we were at Bugis, hmmm, they seem real busy.
I took picture with the Christmas Tree, was real nice..made from ermm, soo kee?..if Im not wrong?.

With Christmas round the corner, I felt lonely once again, no doubt I have loads of plans on my mind, and gatherings to go to. I just felt like...
What you said to me still lingers in my mind, it's like a player that keeps repeating itself. Promises that were made..
I don't know why, but this feeling is kinda shitty. =(
I hope Im fine and not go berserk.hahas..just kiddin ya..
Im tired.
Working full shift tomorrow at HD..aaaahhhh

I needa cancer stick.
Out`

Okay Im back with my life. Went topsy turvy lately, I flipped yesterday night. Hahas.
It was nice having a small lil dinner with them.
Okay so now im officially 19 and ya, gonna kick the bucket soon. LOL..nahhs..
Okay I met my manager in the noon for lunch at Fish & Co..and the people there sang me birthday song after we asked for bill..omg..that was embarrassing. I was made to stand on the chair and hold a sparkle high up.That made me look like statue of Liberty..hahas..okok..after lunch we were DEAD FULL!! hahas..we went shoppin a lil, the candy shop is in centry square bullock cart!!! I was like searching for it high and low..hmm..hahas..no la..just searching..and now its in Century Square =)
Took pictures with fen and she bought me a strawberry erm , something for me to massage my back, selling at Mini Toons..=))
And dinner was at Seoul Garden, thanks people for turnin up once again!! I appreciated it loads =)) oh ya..Thanks Shi Hui Sweetie and her bf for the cake!..sorry i was tooo full to finish it up. =( But i liked it alot with that special name ON MY CAKE!..hahas..
After dinner, went ADDICTED, with Ken,JH,Paul and JZ for drinking session,instead of clubbing. Drank to my heart content I guess but I'm still sober, no worries, I still know what I was doing, ya I was msging nonsense I guess.Sorry for that. I guess people are the most daring when they get to drink, hmmm, boost confidence?..hahas..
Cried to my heart content, I hope I wont tonight. Meeting Audrey sweetie i guess?..woohoo..just 3 days and I've gained back all my FATS!!!!!!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! and it's not even CHristmas yet!!!! aahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! hahas..
Enough of me crapping, going for a jog, needa breather.
I'll keep that "Just between the 2 of us" promise.

PS:People if u happen to be at ADDICTED, go see what i wrote on the wall..hahas..=x
Out'

I just dont feel like accepting it.

Once again, it's another TIME OUT..
I'm afraid of the distance, so no confidence that I feel it's better to let go.
But, a part o fme just wont want to. I'll just wait. I hope eventually it would be the final answer, we had too many TIME OUT..

I feel so iritated by myself everytime this happens, questions kept popping up in my mind.
K was right to a certain extend, what has it got to do with this?..
I'm just holding on to it, holding on.
Thought everything was fine once again.
But, it was merely a thought.
Went for a long jog last night, felt better not thinking of anything and just running.

10 more days to go.Will it be a happy one?.. =(
Just a lil more space for u..
It's killing me inside.


I hate.

Had a heart to heart talk last night, was both happy and sad..
Sad because the love is nt as strong as before..
Happy..cus we've finally got the time to talk about us..
Dear felt real guilty to only come to realise what had become of our relationship..
Things could improve if there's more understanding..
Dear has too much work to do in school, I'm getting my fair share of stress from school too, I hate last minutes deadlines to meet,LAST MIN projects given by the blardy course..ARGH!..
I feel like doing smth special for him, just to cheer him up a lil..
hmmm..that idea just popped into my mind..=x
Hmmm..I tink that's what I'll do!! =)) hmmm..kinda excited..wonder hw will his expression be like..=x..

okok..
Out'

Zouk-ed last night, the place was real packed with all holiday goers. AAArrghh..
It was okay for last night. Mambo was playing me and Daryl's song once again!! aarrgghh..BF where are u!!!! =((

Oh wells, wanted to meet him today, but after I've chnaged and all, I no longer feel like going out..I wana save money for something special..

Died laughing today with VOn,Aud and Van, the first time all 4 of us were laughing like mad. Audrey was our merry maker =)) Skipped BFS once again this week.
Me and Audrey went home first, we skipped our elective, was kinda pist off with the role play script thingy, was unhappy with Annie Koh..luckily Audrey eased away my anger..hahahaha..i used up all my energy laughing. =))
I slept all the way till Dear called me around 6 plus?..It was nice to hear his voice..=))
Miss you so much, if only u appear below my block like the past, which I highly doubt EVER. Im just dreaming =)

I miss secondary school days, when friends were genuinely true to one another.

To a certain extend, I guess I was just dreaming. =(

Hmmm, just got home not long ago from a slow slow jog with mum. hahas, her stamina is worse than mine, no doubt she plays badminton every alternate Saturday.Hmmm...

Why the jog?..Well, before that I was at my GREAT GRANDMOTHER's place, it was her erm..90+ birthday I guess?..hmmm..
Ate alot!!..the celebration was suppose to be held at some teochew resturant in Orchard, but my great grandmother had a bad fall, the celebration was held at her place.
Felt kind of sad when I saw her, she seems to be so much older as compared to CNY, a few months back. She seems so much frail. =(
Went over to ah mah's place today too, was nice being able to see her..miss her so much =))
Hmmm, bf is out to Funan to do his sound set-up for tomorrow, hmmmm..he'll be working..so am I..I'll be working at Aranda tomorrow..hmmmm..work and more work, I've yet complete my homeworks!!!..urgh..there's BCM project, still on-going..hmmm..=( after this project there will still be TPS project..OMG..=( holidays BURNT I guess..since we are gonna graduate in yr 2008 March..so as to be able to proceed to Poly there after..which means there wont be much break for me..AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH... =((
Is this what it's like to compensate back the 2yrs I've lost..=(( hais..

gotta go bathe alr..I smell ;p hahas..
Away`

PS: Some pictures I found at my Ah Mah's place.. the baby is Joleen.

Dear just got home not long ago and gave me a call, hmmm i find him real sweet when he's drunk..but that's NOT THE EXCUSE for more drinks LOL..=x
Well, I shall not go into details with the contents..

Was working ermm..hmmm it's already 5.34 am Sunday..
So yea, while working mmmm, yesterday.
It was kinda HARDCORE..
Working at Aranda in the mornin and Haagen Dazs in the night.
Hmmm, I liked working at Haagen Dazs yesterday no doubt it closes at 11.30pm, just slightly later than usual. But I was workin in the kitchen the whole night, was kinda BUSY..hahas..
Was quite satisfied with myself that I manage to turn up for work and not trying to find any excuse to skip work. It was fun working with Cheryl,Victoria. Okay our manager (Marcus)..hahas.. He found a FHM magazine in the cupboard and I was like "WOW!!" and I browse through a little, I guess Marcus took it home x) lol..
H came down!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!
That's the first time I saw him, and I guess the impression wasn't really that nice I must say, =x
The way he talk to Marcus and stuff, I just turn away..hahahahaha =x
Bird came down too to look for Marcus, just dropping by I guess?..hahas..He had a HAPPY FEET PLUSH!!!! SO CUTE!!!!!!!! he said he didnt want it and I wanted to take it, but since Cheryl liked it too I gave it to her..because it looked a lil fake x) hahaha

Oh ya! I played the video me and shi recorded, they were like "HUH?!" hahaha..I was just laughing away, there were hmmm, 1 dumb customer today, but ohwell, hmm, I feel so much more energetic after Dear's phonecall, hmmm, I'm dead I cant get back to sleep!!! hahass..

Miss my monster, he sure can't recall what he said to me just now..
Should had recorded..
YOU went ZOUK!!! argh!!! BABI..hahas..
Love you monster =))

Out`

Hmm, I'm real tired right now..
Had so much fun just now..LOL..
Met up with Shi fer dinner. Woot`
We went to Whitesands..woah it's like alot of changes I must say, with better shops and most of all..there was BENS n JERRY!!!! hahaha but I didnt had that fer today.
We headed to the foodcourt for dinner and after which Downtown East to walk around, initial plan was to go to the beach but ermmm, on the way there the route was kinda creepy so we gave up the plan. Shopped around the new lil shops at Downtown East and we proceed back to the townpark and played the see-saw..hahahahahahaha..
I had videoed down the funny stuff shi did, but ARGH, my lousy phone. It was too dark..
Shi was real funny =))
There were a few "kids" around. They were real cruel, they smashed the fish they caught by laying the fish below the see-saw and used the seat to smash the poor lil living thing till it was real flat. =( HEARTLESS ANIMALS.. =(( they were preverts man, they were having so much fun smashing up the lil fish =( argh.Dammit. Kinda disturbed by their actions..=( Hais..
I'm so tired laughing so much..
Working two places tomorrow =((((((

ARGH..
Dear santa, maybe I've not been a really good girl this yr, can I have a small lil request?..
I don't really ask for much but I want to spend my time, everyday of my life, being able to face up with obstacles and difficulty with an optimistic attitude..
And everyone around me and defiantely my monster deary, HAPPY,HEALTHY AND NO WORRIES =).

nites`

(hahaha, i guess shi is gonna kill me fer that =x )

Last night was nice, seriously. I liked that feeling =)) It's like it's been a long time since we were like that..
Happy 9th Month anniversary Dear =))
We watched Tenacious D..Woot` Dear was having fun watching that show, hahas.
I love you =) *promises*

Okay, im now in class..im so BORED~!! hahahas..
oh wells, went for S&W today, ran only erm 3 rounds. =p
Zhen's stamina!! OMG!!! she ran like 6 rounds in 11mins++ ARGH!!!!
and now it's BCM lesson..hmmm..
Im bored now..
Friends..hmmm..I was talking to Zhen just now when we were having our break after SW..hmm..true, totally agree with it..
SH call me soon okay?..
PS!! when is our next dating session? LOL!!..
YL & Eve!!!! come out soon too..hmm..a ladies day out!!! to ermm..SENTOSA!!! woot`!!
Please please please~!!! hahah..=))

okay i've crapped enough =p
GTG

[DJ, renewed =) LOVES!!!!]