its totally fucked up

why is it always my fault?
i can't find the shirt for work later..called and ask her..give all sort of places to look for it.
it's no where to be found..kind of pist off..
messaged her and asked if she could just transfer $ to me so that i can buy a new shirt..
but NO..she called me back and yelled at me..
i've tried holding back my temper and speak to her nicely..but NO!
she's yelling to much! i can't take it..i yelled back..

why must she always be like this..wad respect is she asking from me now?
so the theory of her's is that it's always right for parents to yell as much as they like to their children and the children just be dumb and just let them vent it all out?

fuck this shit man..

in school..

currently im in class not having any lessons..therefore here i am bloggin..

im HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!! arghz~!!!!

don't know what to blog about.

had a thrilling day yesterday..hahaha =x
there's this feeling that i can't explain, can't describe... when we are quarrelling it feels like total DISASTER, but it's that special feeling. That stops me from getting so mad at him. On the other hand when i look at him i jus feel like laughin..hmmm alright that doesn't sound right, just that i can't bear to be angry with him any further. But at times, i just can't help it, having the urge to make him real pist-off. =p Trying my luck i guess..hahas..

it's a very different kind of feeling when im with him. =)
no doubt im being more self- centered lately..
i want to be that girl that won't give my dear any miseries.
Though we have fun and all..
there will still be things to improve on. to be a better gf =)

i love you.

not myself..

was told to write down something like a diary..about ourselves to our CA..
felt sad..as i had to think about all the things happenin..teared a little..luckily no one noticed..

i dont like it..not one bit of it.

the questions-

The 7 Facts bout me...

7 Random Facts Bout me-
-Lame
-Noisy
-Easy-going
-Lazy
-Self-centred
-Blur-look
-Tempermental

7 Things That Scares Me.....= p
-cockroaches
-clown (they jus scare me)
-being alone
-backstabbed
-you
-when my bf sneak up on me
-when my loved ones leave this world..

7 random music at the moment
-Stick with you
-Du chang qing ger
-we're all in this together
-Scars
-summer79
-when i'm with you
-all my life

7 things i like most
-the toy R' us FLOWERS bf gave me
-CAM CRAZE
-SINGING
-my K750i
-gg anywhere with my bf =)
-my computer
-attention

7 things i say most
-STUPID SHIT
-dumbass
-wad sia
-sucker
-idiot
-try your luck
-love you ( to my bf..hahas..and it's ever the 1st time i say it so often)

7 people to do this
-my bf
-shi hui
-yan lin
-pei shi
-mantianal ppl! hey gals u shud noe who u r huh
-u who is reading my blog
-joleen

magnifyin glass

i see things in a way, where ppl wont understand me..

met up wif dear todae..thought could had gone Nokia Care to service his phone..but it was kinda troublesome..he has to do a back up and it'll take bout 4 hours to get the phone back..since it was bout 4pm we've decided to give up the idea and head for a late lunch..
had meesiam and i guess it wasnt that nice afterall..preferred the noodle..the usual =p

had a small little tiff..but got over the problem after a while..dear bought me a flower..=)
hee..sweet of him though..<3

no doubt there's good and bad times in a relationship..
i guess TRUST is the main source in a relationship..
i feel so jumble up inside at times..some past haunting me..
but i just shrug it off cause time and again Dear proves me wrong..
and i hope that past would just leave me alone and never come back..

my dog hummed on dear's leg..LOL..stupid dog..too despo!..hahahs..
met up wif josh and ken and jz fer dinner @ carls
LOL i was very late..and dear proudly pushed all the blame to me! bleah!
chatted so much..lol..
bout anything and everything..past to the future..lol..

updated.

update! update! update!

well well well, tons of things happenin..my OFA exam..finally got over and done with..my Dear's bdae party..

celebrated Dear's birthday at Marina Bay..well..got hold of 15/16 people to get together for Dear's birthday celebration. But i felt bad in a way.. shant go into details..
But i felt so proud of myself? being able to get together everyone just to celebrate my Dear's birthday! =)
he was freakin noisy tt nite..hahas..sweet in a way =p lovey dovey? lol..

i was waiting for this day for like ages! and i mean it! cus i sucked at keepin my anxiety to myself..cant wait fer him to see the present i got fer him hahas..had to wait for the right moment to give him..well or should i say i wanted to give him his present b4 the clock strike 12 midnight..hahas..but eventually i still did..i perservered! hahas..

im really thankful for those who turned up fer Dar's Birthday..Really appreciated it alot! u guys made my bf happie =)

thanks pei shi fer being able to choose a nice tee Dar like! = )
Thanks yan lin for re-organising who to meet up at city hall
cus i was sort of in total mess myself..arghz!
and shi hui who mdae it possible fer a few mre gers to turn up fer the celebration..
and of cus the D2 group! not forgettin wee siong..lol..
it was nice to see some of the calss get together..
i miss the class chalet..when can we have it again?
will we be gg overseas?! all together?
well well well..thanks guys..=)

went zouk after the celebration..OMG..the DJ sucked tt nite ! arghz..well got myself drunk i guess? arghz..
i wan some RnB!!!!!!! =x
wana club soon! ahas...

and ytd was the shooting fer Dear's project..hahas..i wasnt cut out to be an actress afterall..brought my dog along..hahas..she was lyk freed frm hell enjoyin the runs on the grass..tt ger..hahahas..
overall..dear's bunch of frens was a fun-lot..
well i should head back to doin my hw now..arghhhhh....

i love my silly fool =)

dont shut me out

im worried.
where went wrong?
wad' goin on?
u dun seem to bother animre..
where went wrong..
missed u like crazy..
ur cold replies jus drive me nuts..
is it all my fault?
what have i done?
i miss u so much..
miss u badly..
what happen?
where are u now?
i feel so fucked up inside..
i feel total darkness befalling on me..
paranonia inside of my head..
where are u now?


i miss u so much!!!!!!

screwed shit

i lost the bet! stupid shit...
spent almost the whole mornin today doiny my new blogskin..whew..luckily it didnt screwed up.But the contents of the skin is kinda wrong though =x i think i gotta change it soon..
class was still talkin bout soccer fer the whole day..and one of my classmate jin yi was known as "The God" cus he gave alot of accurate information bout the matches..hahas..

well overall school was fine today..
just tt i was somehow affected by Zara's mood..she was so so quiet today..and so was i..hahs..mine is jus STUPID..arghz..talkin bout it jus wont help though..hahhas..
gg out to study today..definately..TEST is lyk tmr and ya im rushin through today..

Dear seems kinda fishy..he's gg out but he aint gonna tell me where he's gg..hmmm...
i missed him mann..i just dont want to tell that fella..or else he'll be so proud of himself once again...ahas..
i guess he's in his D2 again..Oh well...

gotta go prepare..or else i'll be too lazy to even go out of my house...
gtg..wish me luck fer tmr's test..i hope it wont kill me further!!

in sch

currently im in sch..kinda bored..doin the past year exam paper fer my OFA..
World Cup started lyk a few days ago..watched the first 6 sets at Dar's place wif a few of nite cyclin clan..LOL..wad a nite man..we were lyk zombies in the day vampires in the nite..hahahs..

im missin him badly now..now dat soccer is his first priority i gotta keep up with my school work dat i've kinda lost..having my CA tis thursday...and i noe nothin at all still!!!!! omg!!!!!!
my teacher is startin lesson soon..gotta start..now we have a test a minimum of 10 slides using powerpoint..hab to submit on a hard copy of the cover page..screenin six in one...explainin the lessons we learn..omg hyperlink is required!!!! im dead!!!!! colour, slides, blah blah blah is 60 marks..total is 40%..project with so much trouble..im so dead..tink about a topic..omg..
dead line for audit is 1 sept..end date fer my lecturer is 1st week of Aug!!!! ARGHZ!!!!! where to find tt time man!!!!! i needa help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE PLS HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM A COMPUTER NOOB MANN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Data has to be frm internet..omg..do i even have powerpoint? hahas..

goin out to study with sh later.its been a long time i neba meet up wif her alr..no doubt we were in the same sch i neba seen her b4 within tis week..can u believe it? hahas..
class is wacky lately with the soceer fever and all...LOL..
oh well..gtg muackz = )

baffled

it aint gg smooth at all.i've let u down time and again.i wished the times when we jus had fun, did nonsense, and get on each others nerves would come back.its all bout giving in and compromising.i wish i was there fer ya always.But there's always constrictions.. guess today was the worst.i've mad u real mad.i've seen scenarios lyk tis happenin to me b4.It hurts to see it happenin and yet i cant prevent it.I cant even be there to handle ur injuries.How i wish u just vent it all out on me.At least i get to know how exactly u would feel.How i wish tt punch jus came straight at me.I'm sorry that i've been makin matters worse.I see u these days..more of suffering than being lovey dovey in this relationship.How else can i do to stop ur unending miseries..i cant slp at all.i guess ur're asleep by now?..or mayb outside? i cant reach u and i dun dare to call u.I only msged.
Why do i always screw up in relationship.Is this my retribution of "what goes around comes around?"
Its lyk im goin through a mental struggle.I dun wish the relationship would turn out this way.I've had several failed relationships.Am i the one with problems causing my loved ones to change?..
im so useless.