Bullshit

I'll be freaking lying through my teeth if I said I was fine. I feel so imbalanced right now this instance. That image still couldn't get out of my head. I asked for it seriously. Months of suffering, maybe weeks, it aint that long either, have slipped away from me. I took so much effort to make myself forget, but within split seconds I stabbed straight back into my open wound once again. I aint Holy Mary. Worse of all, I cant cry it out. I cant even word vomit, why am I allowing all these to happen on me?. This virus attacks me only at night, and at such hours. I'm awake right now and I'm suppose to be preparing for flight.

Am I that weak?. I feel like screaming seriously, like using all that I've left in my black lungs, scream it all out. I wanna evict this "castle" in my head. Get it out of my system, I was so strong when I had my conversation with Cheryl, where have it gone to? I feel as though Im going crazy. How can I allow this to happen to me?

You're so happy with your life, after damaging one after the other. Sorry really doesnt work. Is this what Im suppose to learn Dear God up there? that it's my KARMA this has to happen to me?. I need an outlet, I dont know what's next on my mind that I wanna do.. it feels as though there's a split personality in me. I dont wish to hurt people around me, seeing me in this state.
I need to vent this evil feeling in me.

For those that has a weak heart and aint no game, please dont come near me, for the moment my heart has turned bad once again. It feels like vengence.. sounds so scary. But it's just words.
All in all, Im only good at whining..

Typing it out does helps to a certain extend I guess.. I feel slightly back to normal now.
I guess no one understands this, except myself, please pardon this pretty long entry, I just wish tonight will be last time I have such feelings. Once the sun comes up, I should FORGET about this bitter sweet nightmare.

A leopard will never change it's spots.

Im being bias right now, Im thinking only about MYSELF.

Taking NO MORE BULLSHITS AS OF 12.03.10 MARK ME!